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    dots Submission Name: A new lifedots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809

       Im having a child on march 24th with my girlfreind and thigns have been a lil bumpy but i love her. this is a rough draft a lil choppy please comment and help out.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA new lifedots

    1000 lines
    1000 rhymes
    baby, so many times
    my heart flat lined
    baby you are my i.v.

    Up and down
    round and round
    side to side
    we are riding a emotional roller coaster
    still at the end of the night
    i can't live with out you
    i see you are more the worth fighting for
    you are my life line, baby you are my i.v.

    Kisses of death in the most beautiful way
    check my pulse i about to suffocate
    you have to rush me, it's an emergency
    you are my angel in disguise, baby you are my i.v.

    one in a million
    something is not right
    for every other guy to pass you bye.
    on bending knee
    staring up at my beautiful Queen
    baby you are my i.v.

    Submitted on 2008-10-28 02:28:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      same thoughts as Paradox...

    really good metaphor...but fine tune it...and work on grammar and spelling so that the poem reads smoothly, like the flow of an i.v. into an arm...

    | Posted on 2011-04-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm... I dunno, sometimes strong feelings tend to overpower the writing style. Try to fine tune it a bit to make it flow better...
    | Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

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