Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Perfect Mealdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 469
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       A little diffrent for me. Not sure I like it. Go ahead, be brutal.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Perfect Mealdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If your eyes are the main course
    They surly you lips are the dessert
    With all the ripened sweetness of berries in season
    I would love nothing more than to make a whole meal of you
    A lick of you milky skin would quench much more than my thirst
    The flower that is you hair makes a perfect and romantic table setting
    The whole of you is a meal to the heart
    And comfort food for the soul
    If only I was not left so hungry and wanting
    My only wish is that I could satisfy you too
    But it would seem one look at me and you decide to order out




    Submitted on 2008-10-28 02:36:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow brotha. i think this is one of my favorite pieces that i've read of yours. the style seems a little different compared to the other stuff, but i really, really like it!

    this would go over well read aloud i think... especially at java joe's :)

    you might want to revise the last line. it seems a little awkward compared to the rest of the poem.
    | Posted on 2008-11-01 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      Its not the least bit ironic,I like your sense of humour (though I know its not a funny poem as such)

    but yeah its a good idea,a nice anti-thesis to all those cheesy love sayings ,the apple of my eye etc etc etc

    very well put

    -Craig

    and original
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. My god, beautiful. I loved it. It was so touching at the beginning. I though surely this must be a perfect love poem or lament to his lover. But, not it is actually a heartbreakingly sad tale.

    I think what made it saddest was because it was so good and wonderful and happy, but then so sad and full of longing.

    You had EXCELLENT visual imaging with this poem. You are a wonderful writer. It was very original and you seem to be able to incorporate all most anything into your poetry and make it work.
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by BeautifulSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should end this three lines shorter than you did. The last three lines feels like a deviation from what you were doing before, and i really really like what you were doing before.

    This is a hard topic to write about and sound original, but you did and did it well. I really like the piece. The originality. The unique voice. Very nice.

    I like reading something and thinking I should have thought of that. Which is what Idid here. Good [censored].
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167326

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    untitled written by Outlaw
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry