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    dots Submission Name: The Perfect Mealdots

    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 492
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612

       A little diffrent for me. Not sure I like it. Go ahead, be brutal.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Perfect Mealdots

    If your eyes are the main course
    They surly you lips are the dessert
    With all the ripened sweetness of berries in season
    I would love nothing more than to make a whole meal of you
    A lick of you milky skin would quench much more than my thirst
    The flower that is you hair makes a perfect and romantic table setting
    The whole of you is a meal to the heart
    And comfort food for the soul
    If only I was not left so hungry and wanting
    My only wish is that I could satisfy you too
    But it would seem one look at me and you decide to order out

    Submitted on 2008-10-28 02:36:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow brotha. i think this is one of my favorite pieces that i've read of yours. the style seems a little different compared to the other stuff, but i really, really like it!

    this would go over well read aloud i think... especially at java joe's :)

    you might want to revise the last line. it seems a little awkward compared to the rest of the poem.
    | Posted on 2008-11-01 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      Its not the least bit ironic,I like your sense of humour (though I know its not a funny poem as such)

    but yeah its a good idea,a nice anti-thesis to all those cheesy love sayings ,the apple of my eye etc etc etc

    very well put


    and original
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. My god, beautiful. I loved it. It was so touching at the beginning. I though surely this must be a perfect love poem or lament to his lover. But, not it is actually a heartbreakingly sad tale.

    I think what made it saddest was because it was so good and wonderful and happy, but then so sad and full of longing.

    You had EXCELLENT visual imaging with this poem. You are a wonderful writer. It was very original and you seem to be able to incorporate all most anything into your poetry and make it work.
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by BeautifulSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should end this three lines shorter than you did. The last three lines feels like a deviation from what you were doing before, and i really really like what you were doing before.

    This is a hard topic to write about and sound original, but you did and did it well. I really like the piece. The originality. The unique voice. Very nice.

    I like reading something and thinking I should have thought of that. Which is what Idid here. Good [censored].
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]

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