the words will come by blueorchids

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Submission Name: the words will come dots

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Author:	blueorchids
ASL Info:	26/F/California
Elite Ratio:	6.35 - 1068/924/91
Words:	97

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	431
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	684

Description:
what a night of writer's block is like for me.

EDITED: for great suggestions.

the words will come dots

-------------------------------------------

she pulls in her legs to cross
Indian style
beneath her thighs,
cold feet nuzzling the warm blanket,
the tangled seat she sits on.

pen in hand
tapping impatiently against
porcelain veneers but
the crinkle cornered page in front of her
stays empty; fresh.

it's been hours of repositioning
half eaten snacks and
elephant naps
but not a single letter has been
loved enough to write down.

perhaps when she has learnt distance
and the life she lives isn't
what bleeds onto the white of
her notebook
the words will come.

Submitted on 2004-07-08 18:56:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I really like this piece. It created a LOT of imagery for me, and I find that to be extremely important in writing. I like how it is also very simple and bittersweet. I go through this on occasion...just sitting there, with pen and paper, and so much to say, but no words in which to say it. It's very frustrating, and this piece completely summed up a lot of emotions associated with that. Very, very nice piece of work.
| Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
  This another winner Grace--you have a knack for placing the reader smack into the center of your poems! Then you describe your character's handling of the situation, and even though your images and word use are 100% originally yours--there is a kinship created , and the reader identifies with you--- -- even if yoga, and "elephant naps" are not part of their personal routine.

For me the absolute fave part was that last stanza--
"perhaps when she has learnt distance
and the life she lives isn't
what bleeds onto the white of
her notebook
the words will come."

This is so true--and the way you articulate it --it is like the cliché "lightning bolt" of recognition.It is so very difficult at times to write about what is so close and personal----there has to be that --distance. I find this true not only of relationships, current events, or other personally motivated thoughts--but even when overwhelmed by universal things like beauteous scenes, encounters with nature, a spectacular sunset---when you are in the thick of it, it's just too hard to make mere words paint the picture you see. And also, when you have this burning urge to respond to such motivation or stimulation,--it's hard to think of anything else. So the page remains blank.

That's why I like diversions such as a forum challenge, a child's jingle, or anything that distances my mind --for a while---from that idea that eludes the pen and notebook. A writer friend once told me years ago--just write--about anything--put the pen to the paper and set a timer and write for 10 minutes--no crumpling allowed---just write--lol--and you know it works somehow.She used to say she was going to write a Prize winning novel--but had to wait for all the main characters to die--

I think what's important, is keeping the memory of the experience alive---be it a photo, a journal, a hastily sketched impression---as the foundation on which you will build your poem or story. Then one day---that skeleton gets fleshed out as if by magic. When i was a child i loved the tale of the Elves and the shoemaker-----and I believe in it even yet---the same folk have completed my unfinished works --while I sleep,--or go fishing.
Thanks Grace for this--
Now I am going to relax and leave some milk and honey for the fairies.
Silver
| Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed the read, the ride, the exercise, the mental flexion, the introspection, the extension of self, which I think helps, me and perhaps someone else. And while you're probably questioning the health of my stagnated mind, perchance I'll have broken through what once had me confined. thanx for sharing
| Posted on 2004-07-25 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
  sounds just like me...the words are right there but they are not the right ones..not loved enough i guess! i love the last stanza and how the last line is the title..it just works! with the first stanza i could see her in my minds eye and then all the little details that the poem added made it so worthwhile...very good write
| Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by butterflygirl13 | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, I see why you wanted to use veneers instead of crowns, right, crowns has the connotation for back teeth, but I think I would just write "Porcelain veneers" rather than porcelain veneer teeth. Teeth is a bit redundant. It's pulling together well though with the edits.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so well-written that there isn't much more to say about it. I hope there isn't anything wrong with bleeding your life in ink, or I'm in big trouble; but I like this very much. I've made it a favourite. Really good job. Becky
| Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
  i think you need the first stanza to set up the poem.. sometimes it's necessary to have that sort of launching pad. And by using words like 'tangled' i think it puts an image in the reader's head that helps with this subject.

the 'porcelain veneer' line didn't sit well with me either. it just seemed unnecessary.. it made me stop and wonder why you felt it was essential to use that line..

the third stanza is definitely the best over all.. the repositioning, the naps.. you set up this restless image of a writer which i think anyone here at this site should be able to relate to.. and then the last 2 lines of the stanza are perfect. You bring it all home with showing how important it is to write.. 'loved enough to write down'.. brilliant.

the last 'moral of the story' stanza is great with the lines 'and the life she lives isn't / what bleeds onto the white of / her notebook' (but why the line break after of..?) ... but again.. i am left wanting.. like i expected something more than just a 'oh well she just has to learn..' ending to the poem.. but that is just me and my notions that a suffering artist is more appealing than an artist who understands patience.

i've just read over my comment and it might come across as harsh to you.. it is not meant to be.. i really did enjoy reading this poem.
| Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not going to read any more of the other people's comments because I feel as though they are trying to make it more than it is. To me, it was the simplicity of the poem that so gracefully conveyed its' meaning. But what do I know? I'm just a kid who writes silly poems about "his life" (I'm 16) I really enjoyed this poem and I look forward to more. Laterz, Virgil
| Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by Lip_Gloss_and_Black | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree with JDNeverrest about the first stanza. this stanza in itself frees you right off the bat from this writer's block, i think, 'cause it puts me right there with you. the rest, you portray very well what it feels like and what one goes through... the tapping on the teeth with the pen, the napping, nibbling, staring at the empty page. i love the last stanza. it says it all to me. well done, blue!
| Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  This is...I don't know. It portrays block quite well, and describes the discomfort of having so much that you want to say, but can't. But I feel that the real importance in this is "what bleeds onto the white of her notebook". This IS the block, and I relate so well. Can't let the reality go to fund the surreal realm of the creative. The first stanza is excellent, but you put it in a past tense when you use the word "was" in the next to last line. this is counter to the tense of the poem, and while you could rightfully explain it, it would be easier and clearer to the reader if you put it in the present. Aside from that, I think it is good. Not fantastic, but I don't think fantastic is what you were going for. Good job...
Aaron
| Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by KrimsonReaper | [ Reply to This ]
  Neat-o. Hey, try out porcelain crowns. I don't care for dentist-capped teeth so much. Maybe it's just me, I have an aversion to dentists. I loved the opening image of the tree cat scratching at the window, the author sitting cross legged with blanket, it's a regular Norman Rockwell moment. Then you hit me with the dentist. Back to the poem, I was surprised to find that learnt is in the dictionary. Hmm, I always thought it was learned. Another lesson today. The last comments about life are good. Age doesn't necessarily make you smarter, but it does give you more experiences to draw upon for inspiration. If that was what you were alluding to. I like the sound of it all, good piece of writing.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah, i think it works better without the first stanza that you deleted. take that deleted stanza and write a whole new poem! yeah!
| Posted on 2004-07-10 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  ...perhaps when she has learnt distance.

Well that will be the epicentre of this.

For distance read calm read self assuredness and, 'til such time, be prone to debilitating stops.

Or not. For as we sleep by necessity then we might dry of necessity: be shut down shut up for words as a means of divine safety valve.

And then, post pain of impotence and resigned, one pens a page of gold (pixie) dust...

It's about relaxing: it's your words that would inspire me to address what is pivotal.
Relaxing...
Result.
K
| Posted on 2004-07-10 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  this is the prettiest kind of writer's block i've read about in a LONG while, precious.

the idea of the naps, i love how you can take a colloquialism such as a cat nap and give it so much more meaning by labelling an elephant nap.

(also useful because of the 'elephant in the room' colloquialism)

'perhaps when she has learnt distance
and the life she lives isn't
what bleeds onto the white of
her notebook
the words will come.'

beautiful as it describes the paradox of those who write from the soul so perfectly. it requires a certain sense of detachment, but in one's detachment, it is hard to conjure true emotion.

brava, bella!
| Posted on 2004-07-15 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
  i love the first stanza of this piece...a kind of attempt at meditatory release and stimulation, trying to let the words fall out and not force them out...and yet they still do not come...lol..this feels so like me at times
"ok...c'mon james...clear your head...relax...don't think too much (i'm thinking too much)...ok...here we go...ok...hold one...i think i need to move my..yeah..there we go...ok...
maybe i should have a drink first..."

the defining moment of the poem though surely comes in the final stanza
"perhaps when she has learnt distance
and the life she lives isn't
what bleeds onto the white of
her notebook
the words will come."

i don't know how i can comment on that...just too right...it's not the life you live...i dunno...too good that one...something that all of us writers can learn from...graceful and slight...ringing with truth...
very very nice grace

james
| Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]

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