Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Part II: Proud like Horusdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nocona
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 4/2/2
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 535



    Description:
       Edit: Changed last word from "flight" to "spirit"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPart II: Proud like Horusdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am a frightful dark brown
    sky explosion,
    wings straight and sound-defying
    speed.

    I, with my hooked sword
    of a beak, tear into
    the lives of my prey.
    My eyes know the colour of red.

    So is the way of the hawk.
    I, the speed demon of the air,
    am eager for the taste of flesh.

    I, Nocona,
    seek from high above.
    I am sleek like the wind
    and proud like Horus.

    Wings straight and man-defying
    spirit.




    Submitted on 2008-10-28 16:48:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice poem. I'd like to turn you on to a poem called "Hurt Hawks" by Robinson Jeffers, because it's kind of in the same vein, and I bet you'd like it. It's bound to be on the internet somewhere. Let me know what you think.
    | Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason this reminds me of those horrible 'I am' poems we had to do back in middle school. Not because this is horrible, but because of the formulaic feel to your stanzas.

    A little detail: I think it would be more accurate to replace the word 'hawk' with 'falcon,' as falcons are both the faster of the two birds and more closely related with the god Horus.

    I'm not too fond of poets using their name within their poem, but at the same time I recognize that name-insertion sometimes has a great deal of meaning. Was there meaning to putting your name in here?

    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent indeed, I liked this piece a lot, it reminded me of a native American indian narrating the poem to me, I dont know if that was your intention but it certainly worked on me.
    would be pleased to read more of your work if it is in this vain.
    thank you.


    Jamar2
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by jamar2 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167350

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry