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Clench to the bad stuff

Author: KarloZ
ASL Info:    21/male/california
Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 5 /5 /18
Words: 392
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1172
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2294


This was a journal I had up for a while.

Clench to the bad stuff

Alright, the reason for that title is that the real title didnt fit, hehe. Ok, like my past journal, this one will not fit into any genre of literature, though it may seem as a poem or lyrics, it is only stream of thought. A chain of works that I trapped on paper right before it escaped my head. I understand not many may identify with this feeling but im experimenting on journals as a venting option. Here goes.

My Pain I've Become

Today I felt fear.
I thought about my thoughts
I thought about what they've become.
Today I felt the pain in my head diminish
in threat of dissappearing,
And I felt fear.

I thought of who I am
How I hate it.
Of the pain my head contains.
These ideas and concepts that bring
loneliness and pain and hate towards myelf
And I felt fear
I imagined a perfect life
And I felt fear
I imagined a perfect job
And I felt fear
I imagined a painless time
in which I looked back at who I am
and laughed and thought "stupid, stupid
those things don't matter, only bills"
And I felt fear
I felt need
I felt...

I felt fear of losing
all my thoughts and shard
my wounds and scars.
I felt fear of losing the pain that they bring
because I felt fear

of losing the pain that I am.

My chest shook at the thought of a normal life.

And thats it. I know it doesn tmake much sense, but if anyone identifies... if anyone has ever been sitting in a classroom, and looked at the teacher, imagined the perfectly normal life he must lead, painless, certain, stable, blinded, and happy, and felt fear of ever losing who you are by reaching any of those things, I'd like it if that person would let me know.

I'd also like to say that this was the first time ever I have felt this way. A time in which I felt like clutching to my... problems, internal specially, as if they were the life of a loved one. As if my pain was.... well, im sorry,. I ramble and if I dont stop myself ill end up explaining the thing. So thank you for reading *Bows*

Submitted on 2008-10-28 18:38:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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