Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: roller coaster ridedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 985



    Description:
       trying to finish this poem 2nd draft, please commemt any thing would help


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsroller coaster ridedots
    -------------------------------------------


    one thousand lines
    one thousand rhymes
    i let my ink bleed from my pen
    to show you whats on my mind.

    heart racing, pulse rising, suffacting
    cardiac arrest
    it's emergency
    can't you see
    baby you are my i.v.

    Up and down
    round and round
    side to side
    emotional roller coaster we ride
    disagreements, broken promises, arguing
    but as the sun sets,the stars and the moon meet
    I can't live without you
    when you are my life line.

    one in a million
    something is not right
    for every other guy to pass you bye.
    on bending knee
    staring up at my beautiful Queen
    leaving a love not ever felt
    going though my body
    like a i.v.

    i dont ever wanna to stop loving you girl
    so dont stop being my world
    love me, hold me, hear me
    be there because i need a my I.V.




    Submitted on 2008-10-31 01:26:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this piece alot.
    You've definately gotten your point accross..
    The diction is great, and states the obvious connection between you and this girl..
    | Posted on 2008-11-08 00:00:00 | by danni_amazing | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167423

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry