Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cluelessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jaiknob
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 20/19/13
    Words: 379
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2139



    Description:
       jsut randomly developpin' a scene while thinkin'...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCluelessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's as if his whole body just got hit by a powerful wind. He feels his body jerk back and hit the surface. Although it's soft, only his head feels the softness.
    As the blood rushes about, his head aches. It becomes so heavy that he believes that if it was weighed, it would be definitely thrice as normal.
    First, everything expanded but now it feels as if everything is contracting. But his head remains the out casted one. It's as if information are pouring
    in yet he has no idea of anything.
    Suddenly his eyes open. Learning as fast as possible, he retains this function and applies the method again. And again until he masters the act.
    Not so fascinated by the opening and closing of his eyes, his mind now wanders to what the eye can do after the lid is off. The sight finally hits
    him and for that quick second, his body stops aching but it was just the attention directed to the view and the pain is ignored. 'I've seen this before but where?', his first thought,'Why can't I remember anything?' He's
    quite surprised by the fact that he realized he's unable to recall. Connecting the links, he ends up at the action of communicating. He attempts by first searching the way to open his mouth. He gives up after a while but gets back on his query after finding his solution to opening his mouth due to gasping caused by a movement in his surroundings. After breathing through his mouth, he experiments and finally reaches his goal; He is able to talk.
    He stares at his body for a while as his surroundings is memorized and no longer interest him. Thinking hard, leading to concentration, he's able to move his finger. Slowly, he shifts his hand and ends up with his arm moving.
    Discovering new actions every few minutes, he feels like he's been blessed and very talented. His thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the realization of his being at this spot is not a good thing. This realization of his is
    then hit by understandings and his pain just adds up to the confusion...




    Submitted on 2008-10-31 01:33:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you seem to be lost.
    | Posted on 2008-11-22 00:00:00 | by Sodais | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167424

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry