Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Little Cursed-Like Seedsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 686



    Description:
       Any comments are greatly appreciated. I'd like to know if you can get something from this or that if it actually makes any sense to anyone. It sounds sensible enough to me but I'm not sure whether that's enough. If you comment, I will return the favour.


    Thanks,

    Ethan


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittle Cursed-Like Seedsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Two tiny insignificant seeds
    Grow both together and separately
    Yet the world has made its choice.
    One's cursed the other one's favoured.
    And so unspeakable is The Fates' wand.

    Someone mentioned a missing essence
    Though essence is never lost,
    As we grow up we get stained
    By the air's smell yet we never change.
    And so unearthly is The Fates's caldron.

    Remorseful remnants of a recent past
    Vestiges of a thinly-veiled truth
    Interspersed with attempts
    To retrieve what was once holy held.
    And so unworldly is The Fates's will.




    Submitted on 2008-11-03 01:53:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I too got the imagery of two children at the start of this poem, both growing together but experiencing different parts of life, one maybe more happy than the other.

    I loved stanza two, and the way you discribed the essence of life, it was a perfect depiction in my mind. It's true we never lose the essence of ourselves, but we do allow ourselves to be tainted by the imperfections of others and past experiences. affect the way our future works out. And it's just the way we deal with the hurt and misery we come across in our lifes, that defines the essence that makes us the person we are.

    The third stanza is great to start, but I either lost your meaning or just holly was supposed to be 'holy'.? Also, in the first line, tinny? or tiny?

    Anyway, overall I felt this piece was a very deep and well constructed piece that captured 'fate' in what if I thought it existed a very discriptive and clever way.

    By the way been back a while and should of looked you up sooner, sorry.

    Danny
    | Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      I cling to deep poetry. . . . . . .
    And this one suits me well.

    Your innermost thoughts are your property,
    only you can assess the original blue prints.
    There's this magical moment where we piece and disguise are true feelings behind words.

    "Little Cursed-Like Seeds" makes my list.

    First of all I like your style of writing, it keeps
    my brain forming to no end.

    First stanza. . . the two seeds could possibly be a love relationship growing apart for who can you control, what happens, happens.

    Second stanza. . . the complaint of the individuals identity could be misunderstood.
    Therefore who could you trust.

    Third stanza. . .you tried to make up, but there
    was this under line unsureness and feeling of a betrayal sadness to a degree.


    This could be hog wash, please let me know if I was close.

    I really enjoyed this one........

    There's something mysterious about you.....
    I'll keep it between the hardwood floors.

    Peace-.-

    T.REDD


    | Posted on 2009-01-11 00:00:00 | by T.Redd | [ Reply to This ]
      an interesting poem.

    some how i get the impression that the 2 seeds are symbolic for two children, growing up together but each being treated differently, (one favoured one cursed)
    the missing essence could be like personalities, one being a sort of happy go lucky person the other, shy, quiet. it could be about 2brothers, and one has treated the other one badly. maybe there was an attempted reconciliation, that didn,t work out." thinly veiled truths",

    "what was once holly held" family, blood?
    i,m not to sure about that part, but then again maybe i,m on the wrong track.
    nice poem to ponder over.
    thanks for sharing
    take care
    | Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it is a very deep poem, nice poem, so letís start; the first stanza is very symbolic you made two paradoxes one in the second line between together and separately, and one in the fourth between cursed and favoured then you followed them by a fine personification when you personified the fateís wand as a person. In the second stanza in the last line you said that the Fateís caldron is un-earthly, if would be better it you added a simile e.g. Fateís caldron is un-earthly as the stars, or something like that.
    Fine poem
    Medhat
    | Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167497

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Linger written by saartha
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    This written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    ME written by jjd
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    The Promise written by annie0888

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry