Description: Any comments are greatly appreciated. I'd like to know if you can get something from this or that if it actually makes any sense to anyone. It sounds sensible enough to me but I'm not sure whether that's enough. If you comment, I will return the favour.
Thanks,
Ethan
Little Cursed-Like Seeds -------------------------------------------
Two tiny insignificant seeds
Grow both together and separately
Yet the world has made its choice.
One's cursed the other one's favoured.
And so unspeakable is The Fates' wand.
Someone mentioned a missing essence
Though essence is never lost,
As we grow up we get stained
By the air's smell yet we never change.
And so unearthly is The Fates's caldron.
Remorseful remnants of a recent past
Vestiges of a thinly-veiled truth
Interspersed with attempts
To retrieve what was once holy held.
And so unworldly is The Fates's will.
I too got the imagery of two children at the start of this poem, both growing together but experiencing different parts of life, one maybe more happy than the other.
I loved stanza two, and the way you discribed the essence of life, it was a perfect depiction in my mind. It's true we never lose the essence of ourselves, but we do allow ourselves to be tainted by the imperfections of others and past experiences. affect the way our future works out. And it's just the way we deal with the hurt and misery we come across in our lifes, that defines the essence that makes us the person we are.
The third stanza is great to start, but I either lost your meaning or just holly was supposed to be 'holy'.? Also, in the first line, tinny? or tiny?
Anyway, overall I felt this piece was a very deep and well constructed piece that captured 'fate' in what if I thought it existed a very discriptive and clever way.
By the way been back a while and should of looked you up sooner, sorry.
I cling to deep poetry. . . . . . .
And this one suits me well.
Your innermost thoughts are your property,
only you can assess the original blue prints.
There's this magical moment where we piece and disguise are true feelings behind words.
"Little Cursed-Like Seeds" makes my list.
First of all I like your style of writing, it keeps
my brain forming to no end.
First stanza. . . the two seeds could possibly be a love relationship growing apart for who can you control, what happens, happens.
Second stanza. . . the complaint of the individuals identity could be misunderstood.
Therefore who could you trust.
Third stanza. . .you tried to make up, but there
was this under line unsureness and feeling of a betrayal sadness to a degree.
This could be hog wash, please let me know if I was close.
I really enjoyed this one........
There's something mysterious about you.....
I'll keep it between the hardwood floors.
some how i get the impression that the 2 seeds are symbolic for two children, growing up together but each being treated differently, (one favoured one cursed)
the missing essence could be like personalities, one being a sort of happy go lucky person the other, shy, quiet. it could be about 2brothers, and one has treated the other one badly. maybe there was an attempted reconciliation, that didn,t work out." thinly veiled truths",
"what was once holly held" family, blood?
i,m not to sure about that part, but then again maybe i,m on the wrong track.
nice poem to ponder over.
thanks for sharing
take care
Well, it is a very deep poem, nice poem, so let’s start; the first stanza is very symbolic you made two paradoxes one in the second line between together and separately, and one in the fourth between cursed and favoured then you followed them by a fine personification when you personified the fate’s wand as a person. In the second stanza in the last line you said that the Fate’s caldron is un-earthly, if would be better it you added a simile e.g. Fate’s caldron is un-earthly as the stars, or something like that.
Fine poem
Medhat
Submission Name: Little Cursed-Like Seeds
