[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Little Voice in My Head, Chapter 1dots

    Author: xieno
    Elite Ratio:    2.41 - 7/16/24
    Words: 694
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4012

       First chapter of a story I'm working on about a boy who develops Schizophrenia after his girlfriend passes. I know its long, but try to read it. I was feeling inspired and took advantage of that. As always, comments are very much appreciated! ^-^

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Little Voice in My Head, Chapter 1dots

    There I stood, in the lights. Feeling nothing, nothing but the numbness I harbored so deep for so long. And it was all about to end. This is it, I thought, this is finally it. The thrill of the sirens 20 feet below me, the chatter of the pedestrians, wow I thought. There are people down there that care about me. People I don't even know, that care. That's more than I've gotten since...

    6 months earlier

    9:06 PM. "I'm sorry, she didn't make it." The doctor frowned coldly at me and left the room with the harshest possible walk. "Ya gonna be okay, buddy?" I heard her mother say. Her voice seemed so far out in the distance and I didn't answer. I just stared at the door the doctor had just walked out of, shaking my head. "Brendon..." I acted as if I hadn't heard. I just got up and headed for the door. "BRENDON!" I felt a hand hit my shoulder. "We're gonna get through this." That was probably the worst thing that could have been said to me at the time. She was gone. My best friend, my only friend. Gone. And I was gonna get through this? Really? "Bullshit. Now please leave me alone. Please?" I just wanted to cry. All I wanted was to be alone. "Oka-" I ran out before she could even finish the sentence. I ran so fast down that corridor, falling over myself half way. I just lay there. It didn't matter anymore. I screamed, cried, I couldn't hold it back anymore. It came out so fast that I surprised myself when I started crying in front of the front desk. The nurses and patients just watched as I was having my moment. I didn't care who saw me cry. "...Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to-" "TAYLOR!!!!!" I screamed. And there I sat, just sobbing away. Taylor's mother came out, saw me on the floor making a fool of myself. She was the girls mother for Christ sake and she wasn't acting like that. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
    The first few minutes of the ride home was awkward. I was embarrassed. Tays mom was being so strong, and I, a seventeen year old boy, had a fit in front of a whole hospital. "I'm really sorry about my whole...episode back there..." I started. She smiled. "I know you loved her, Bren. And Taylor loved you, so much" I could feel the tears welt up again and I turned to look out the window. "Cry if you need to, Bren." I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath, trying to gather myself. "It's not fair..." I said. I put my head up, but now I was looking down in my lap at my black Levis. "She didn't deserve this. I don't deserve..." "I know, I know." We pulled up to my small house. "Go get yourself cleaned up and go to bed. You've had a rough day." "That's an understatement." I said. I was about to walk away, but I stopped. I was being a dick. I owed her some respect. "Thank you, Mrs. Reese." She gave a quick fake smile, I shut the door and she drove away. I felt lonely for the minute I stood outside. I sighed and walked in the house where I was alone most nights. I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I couldn't believe how bad I looked. Then I looked at the razor. I reached for it, but stopped. "No," I said to myself. "not tonight. She wouldn't want me to hurt myself." I sat in the corner and put my face in my hands and sighed. "BrenBren!" I heard in a voice that sounded distinctly like my deceased girlfriends. I thought I was just tired. Then a heard her cute laugh. "What the fuck? Shes gone, and I'm alone..." "Dont leave me, muffin..." I heard. By now I was pretty scared. Thats what she always said to me. Am I hearing her? What the hell is going on?!

    Submitted on 2008-11-03 02:28:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. Write More please!
    I'm so interested in what your writting my first thought was wow this is too long i don't want to sit here and read it, but it caught my eye and thats a good thing thats what writters are supposed to do catch the readers eye and you most certainly did.
    | Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by TalentedChild | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Yes written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Fasade written by jackz




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]