There I stood, in the lights. Feeling nothing, nothing but the numbness I harbored so deep for so long. And it was all about to end. This is it, I thought, this is finally it. The thrill of the sirens 20 feet below me, the chatter of the pedestrians, wow I thought. There are people down there that care about me. People I don't even know, that care. That's more than I've gotten since...
6 months earlier
9:06 PM. "I'm sorry, she didn't make it." The doctor frowned coldly at me and left the room with the harshest possible walk. "Ya gonna be okay, buddy?" I heard her mother say. Her voice seemed so far out in the distance and I didn't answer. I just stared at the door the doctor had just walked out of, shaking my head. "Brendon..." I acted as if I hadn't heard. I just got up and headed for the door. "BRENDON!" I felt a hand hit my shoulder. "We're gonna get through this." That was probably the worst thing that could have been said to me at the time. She was gone. My best friend, my only friend. Gone. And I was gonna get through this? Really? "Bullshit. Now please leave me alone. Please?" I just wanted to cry. All I wanted was to be alone. "Oka-" I ran out before she could even finish the sentence. I ran so fast down that corridor, falling over myself half way. I just lay there. It didn't matter anymore. I screamed, cried, I couldn't hold it back anymore. It came out so fast that I surprised myself when I started crying in front of the front desk. The nurses and patients just watched as I was having my moment. I didn't care who saw me cry. "...Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to-" "TAYLOR!!!!!" I screamed. And there I sat, just sobbing away. Taylor's mother came out, saw me on the floor making a fool of myself. She was the girls mother for Christ sake and she wasn't acting like that. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
The first few minutes of the ride home was awkward. I was embarrassed. Tays mom was being so strong, and I, a seventeen year old boy, had a fit in front of a whole hospital. "I'm really sorry about my whole...episode back there..." I started. She smiled. "I know you loved her, Bren. And Taylor loved you, so much" I could feel the tears welt up again and I turned to look out the window. "Cry if you need to, Bren." I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath, trying to gather myself. "It's not fair..." I said. I put my head up, but now I was looking down in my lap at my black Levis. "She didn't deserve this. I don't deserve..." "I know, I know." We pulled up to my small house. "Go get yourself cleaned up and go to bed. You've had a rough day." "That's an understatement." I said. I was about to walk away, but I stopped. I was being a dick. I owed her some respect. "Thank you, Mrs. Reese." She gave a quick fake smile, I shut the door and she drove away. I felt lonely for the minute I stood outside. I sighed and walked in the house where I was alone most nights. I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I couldn't believe how bad I looked. Then I looked at the razor. I reached for it, but stopped. "No," I said to myself. "not tonight. She wouldn't want me to hurt myself." I sat in the corner and put my face in my hands and sighed. "BrenBren!" I heard in a voice that sounded distinctly like my deceased girlfriends. I thought I was just tired. Then a heard her cute laugh. "What the fuck? Shes gone, and I'm alone..." "Dont leave me, muffin..." I heard. By now I was pretty scared. Thats what she always said to me. Am I hearing her? What the hell is going on?!