[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Sensuous Seasondots

    Author: redthewitch
    ASL Info:    36/f/tiny rural village
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 267/175/26
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 553
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 328

       Just playing around with these thoughts...they're bare bones...my poetry is usually brief and simple...but does this need more? I can't decide.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sensuous Seasondots

    Nature sheds November's cloak,
    and stands naked before Winter,
    an abrupt...
    inconsiderate lover...icy wind a cold caress...

    she seeks the tender and needy adoration of March and it is from this wet embrace
    that Summer slips from her womb...green and alive.

    Submitted on 2008-11-03 04:29:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As this is is written, it is very attractive how it was devised. Sensual seasons, I like the idea of each season needing each other, in something less timid than affection a whole lot of writes are used.

    Neath lay your desires???
    Were they full filled?

    I love how you placed such sensual feelings inside of this poem, not only is there portraits of excitment but it leads the reader (at least this reader for sure) for more, like a craving of some sort.

    In tune to your beauty on this art, letting you know.

    Would like to see more of this.

    Hope to talk to you soon.
    | Posted on 2012-05-03 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
    I don't think this needs more. I think, possibly, it needs less. I find that personification can be a somewhat over-played device in poetry and so care needs to be taken when using it. Of course that is my opinion, but that's all I'm entitled to right?

    What I'm getting at is the poem feels overloaded with references to months and seasons. Here is a thought:

    Nature sheds November's cloak
    and stands naked
    before an abrupt inconsiderate lover
    icy wind a cold caress

    unsatisfied, she seeks
    the tender and needy adoration of March
    and from this wet embrace
    the season will slip from her womb

    green and alive.


    Anyway, this is just my thought. I am not saying change it to this, I'm saying there are things you could do with this to bring out the stronger elements of the write. I really haven't altered much. In the first stanza you do not have to name winter to signify winter. We know that after November is winter, that winter can be described as you have described it. Just as we can gather that after march the weather warms, becomes more "alive".

    Not sure if I totally over-explained myself there, but I worry that people will take offense.

    I love that this is graphic and the final lines are intense and beautiful.

    | Posted on 2012-04-15 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you, Jacob. It is a wise man that sees the bounty in less.
    | Posted on 2012-04-15 00:00:00 | by redthewitch | [ Reply to This ]
      no, doesn't need elaboration...

    less is more!

    i like this reference to march...comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb...

    there is adoration---winter is a bitter, rough lover..and nature is not compensated...but then when march becomes tender and willing...there is love and the birth of summer springs from that love.

    nice work. very surprised there are not more responses to this.

    | Posted on 2012-04-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea, but I found the descriptions to be kind of graphic...and not in a good way, but that's just my preference. The writing is good though and very evocative of feelings like cold and harsh, then life and warm so overall i think this is a good write :)
    | Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by ImaginePeace | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]