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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tainteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joy7542
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 1034/952/203
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 172
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1643



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstainteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ebbing into simple, sardonic
    nothings...
    these moments taking up so much
    of me.

    So many screams,
    cries,
    so many wasted worries

    landing on already rocky ground
    and baby, did I loose my feeble
    footing.

    Going so ungracefully into
    the depths of human
    despair...

    Pouring salt into the burning wound,
    empty holes in my untamed skin...
    my intrepid heart -
    stay strong.

    This is what you do to me,

    Breaking me down, barrier by barrier
    til even I, don't recognize the tears
    falling down,
    the salt strange in my gasping breath...

    How does one so independent
    and strong,
    How do I fall so helplessly into the arms of my
    imperfect angel?

    The God-sent human to turn every dream
    every moment
    into a deep, constant yearning
    for the presence of one not there...

    Every sleepless hour
    a dream in the waking of being held
    til dawn.

    Take me me down paths I never wished
    to tread again,
    stripping me of every moment that made me
    untouchable...
    the untouchable woman that no one
    understands.

    Yet, here I am, naked, unsheathed
    utterly, completely
    aware of every, single
    imperfection in my self -conscious eyes...

    look at what you do to me.

    This is love,
    so, incomprehensible,
    and yet, I can never imagine my life without it...




    Submitted on 2008-11-03 21:56:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Pretty powerful wordplay in this piece-

    "ebbing into simple sardonic nothings" <great beginning line.

    "intrepid heart" < fearlessly falling

    "imperfect angel"

    One can't help but feel the emotional battle going on here.

    Some less important words could be omitted but I'm not sure if that would help or hurt the overall effect.

    Good write.
    Enjoyed!

    | Posted on 2008-11-11 00:00:00 | by TamarRoze | [ Reply to This ]
      I hope one day I can feel this. So far pain, loss, and rejection are the only gifts I am apparently worthy of. I can understand your starting point, the source, but the elation is yours and yours alone as far as I am concerned.

    The work is phenomenal. I do like this very much, even if it does point to my own lacking.
    | Posted on 2008-11-07 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      Is the lover a mirror
    of her love?
    or was the sardonic
    tone devized
    to soothe the rough edges
    of lesser things
    glassy and dancing
    in her eyes?
    | Posted on 2008-11-04 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. this poem was strange. i enjoyed it. it was dark and therefore hilarious and the fact that it was love themed made it even more funny. i would think this poem would be better with a very complicated rhyme scheme. complicated rhyme schemes are hilarious.
    | Posted on 2008-11-04 00:00:00 | by Old | [ Reply to This ]



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