Sarah. by Namlooc20

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Submission Name: Sarah. dots

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Author:	Namlooc20
ASL Info:	26/Male/Spokane, WA
Elite Ratio:	4.2 - 359/327/107
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	799
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	743

Description:
No explanation really. I don't know what to say, I just wrote it. wanted to vent is all.

Sarah.

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I want to see you smile
I want to see you dance
see the pretty fireflies
maybe clash for a chance

Change the Mood
Change your perspective
Give you something
give fake a reflection

He may be perfect
He may just suck
It's love you're after
Happiness, not luck

A new life to start
A new life to need
somewhere unknown
no place to bleed

Maybe it will happen
Maybe sometimes soon
I just want you to know
I'm here through June

So please say you'll stay
So please don't ever leave
Why is it up to him
Our Future he did weave

Submitted on 2008-11-04 09:48:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
I thought this wasn't too bad. A nice simple poem, short and to the point. I think the words used could've been better and I felt some lines were a little clumsy: "maybe clash for a chance", for example. I think "That I am here through June" would've scanned better in the fifth verse.
Overall I'd say this poem was OK, but needed better words in places.
| Posted on 2008-11-04 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.