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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sarah.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 743



    Description:
       No explanation really. I don't know what to say, I just wrote it. wanted to vent is all.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSarah.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to see you smile
    I want to see you dance
    see the pretty fireflies
    maybe clash for a chance

    Change the Mood
    Change your perspective
    Give you something
    give fake a reflection

    He may be perfect
    He may just suck
    It's love you're after
    Happiness, not luck

    A new life to start
    A new life to need
    somewhere unknown
    no place to bleed

    Maybe it will happen
    Maybe sometimes soon
    I just want you to know
    I'm here through June

    So please say you'll stay
    So please don't ever leave
    Why is it up to him
    Our Future he did weave




    Submitted on 2008-11-04 09:48:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this wasn't too bad. A nice simple poem, short and to the point. I think the words used could've been better and I felt some lines were a little clumsy: "maybe clash for a chance", for example. I think "That I am here through June" would've scanned better in the fifth verse.
    Overall I'd say this poem was OK, but needed better words in places.
    | Posted on 2008-11-04 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


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