Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Where The Peaceful Dream Unfurleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 483
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 496
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3205



    Description:
       A re-write of something I wrote a very long time ago


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhere The Peaceful Dream Unfurleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Where The Peaceful Dream Unfurled

    Was it just imagining
    Which brought these eyes to see inside
    Another world
    We could have realised
    A different story
    For all our lives

    Looking into this stolen world
    Where the peaceful dream has unfurled
    Its banner of love beneath the sun
    A flag of truce for everyone

    The journey of our hearts becomes celebration
    When all is gathered into one
    A birth in unity
    Of this global family

    Looking into a broken crystal sphere
    Only turns on me its dark reminder
    Of what we all have become

    Peopled with lives of separation
    So filled with their neighbours fear
    Grabbing all they think they need
    Appeasing someone else’s greed
    Their solitude in slavery
    To the markets of their luxury

    While other faces shine with a tarnished love
    Are hoping for the pious judgement day to come
    So their elite self-righteous sense of justification
    Can gloat in contentment and damnation over the wicked ones
    And please themselves with all the evil they have never done
    But smiling still with condemnation as they watch
    Their brothers and sisters
    Burn

    And on the tiny gang-land street
    Where colours run with gangster feet
    The agonies of our divided homelands
    Are played upon a smaller stage
    Violence by the guns divide
    Rules to keep the urban warriors small
    Keep them in their skin deep cultures
    Keep them fighting for the scrapes let fall
    From the tables of wealthy vultures


    Usurped by those who wanted more than would suffice
    They sold us back ourselves for a price
    They are smiling in our death
    Killing each other for the chance
    The less we are
    The more there is left
    To fight over

    Keep us fighting in every way
    For a better life some day
    In these lives we do not own
    With all its empty promise we are shown
    Robbed from us so long ago
    We were redesigned and then re-sold
    Is now the only way
    We have ever known

    Looking into this stolen world
    None of us seem to be human anymore
    Our future confiscated by the fear of fear
    Destroying all the things we hold so dear
    So love can not stretch beyond the wall
    To the faces of the starving poor
    And extend our helping hand
    To us all

    Was it just your imagining
    Which brought my eyes to see inside
    Another world
    We could have realised
    A different story
    For all our lives

    Looking into this stolen world
    Where the peaceful dream did unfurl
    All the banners of its love beneath the sun
    Became a flag of trust for everyone

    Did the journey of our hearts become
    When all were gathered into celebration
    A birth of this global family
    Into a unity of one










    Submitted on 2008-11-07 20:03:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This has some really good images, and messages, but at times those seem to get lost in unnecessary words and diction.

    I think it could be shortened down, especially some of the repetition, which doesn't really seem to add to the piece.

    Overall, I liked it! God job!
    | Posted on 2008-11-09 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167681

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Cover written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Etiquette written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry