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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stolen Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    18/F/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.83 - 262/263/207
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 135
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 864



    Description:
       Well, it's self-explanatory.

    Dedication: Christopher Lynch


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStolen Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You can't see how much
    pain it causes me
    to look at the lips
    that I use to kiss.
    To look at the face
    I once caressed.
    My tears are falling inside
    and yes I hide them from you,
    but do you really believe
    that they're not there?
    Can you tell me
    that you believe
    I don't want to be in your life?
    There is nothing I want
    more than you in my life.
    Now I feel abandoned
    and used,
    because it seems as if
    you chose her over me.
    So while you stay up
    late at night, restless,
    imagine how I feel.
    The person I love
    let me go.
    Next time you see me,
    and I walk by without a word,
    can you understand
    that all the words
    I have for you
    is in the heart you stole.




    Submitted on 2008-11-07 22:47:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very simple and to the point. It isn't my style, but I feel you wrote this with pure, raw emotion, like nicodemous said previous to me.

    I feel for you girl, let me say. Love, men, it's one problem after another. I'm sorry you lost the one you love. I lost my boy three times, to other girls, before you finally saw what I wanted him to in me. We have now been together almost year, and we are more happy than we had ever been. The point of that selfish rant was not to make you feel worse, I'm sorry if it did, but to give you hope. I wish to say to you that if it is meant to be, no matter how cliché, it will be. Have hope, don't ever give up, and let the man find you. He will, I promise.

    I don't really have a favorite part of this poem. All of it is pretty basic - which isn't a bad thing, but nothing stands out to me. The emotion is enough. You did a wonderful job of being honest and expressing yourself.

    Keep writing!

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2008-11-08 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an improvement in my book. I know I have not commented on your work before, but I have read some. Not a lot, but some. I didn't comment before because.... sorry to say I didn't think there was anything worth it (in what I have read which is less than a handful of pieces)

    This is however very well done. It is pure, and raw. If there is anything that will get my attention it is purity and rawness of emotion. The end is beyond. Really the rest of the poem could have been awful and if the end was the same you would still have an alright poem. But it didn't, this was a very well done. A nice set up.
    | Posted on 2008-11-08 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]


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