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    dots Submission Name: Four Dimensional Elementsdots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777


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    dotsFour Dimensional Elementsdots

    Four Dimensional Elements



    Land by soil to
    Dancing stone
    Treads its path to water
    Kisses the feet of



    Fragrance clouded
    And plumed pillars of
    Breathing Earths
    Seething repentance
    In rain



    The flippant leaves
    Acquiescent flow echo
    Reverberated poundings in
    And falls a blessing



    Recombination of release
    Prevailing supplicant of
    And Mother of

    Submitted on 2008-11-08 19:28:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Try "liberating" it will circle you down to the fire and works will with the blessing.
    or rearrange the line before to and a blessing falls use Falls as the connection.
    Release is not a bad option either.

    try using http://rhymezone.com you can use it as a rhyming dictionary but it will also link that word into One Look to find almost limitless synonyms...just start clicking until you find one that really works well for your intended use.
    | Posted on 2008-11-19 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      You did a great job giving the elements a mystical feel of something more than ordinary or even extraodinary.
    I also love the enjambment lines that force you into the next stanza. It's one of my favorite techniques. But I IMHO the word Liberty, while describing the blessing does not flow into Fire as well. Maybe a slight rewording here would help that.

    | Posted on 2008-11-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      "The flippant leaves
    Acquiescent flow echo
    Reverberated poundings in
    And falls a blessing"

    I adore this stanza! It makes me think that rain is something fragile and delicate, something to cherish. But then again, in places where rain is a rare event I suppose each drop is cherished.

    It's amazing how with using mere words you've transformed something that's taken for granted into something magical.
    | Posted on 2008-11-10 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]

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