Your hair shines like cinnamon spice.
You smell of sweet ginger.
Your laugh attracts the most interesting people.
Your smile tells a million secrets.
Your body against mine makes magic.
Your lips pressed gently aginst mine is obvious heaven.
When you left, I wanted to die.
When you left, the storm came.
When you left, all went gray.
When you left, the magic stopped.
When you left, heaven turned to hell.
When you left, you took my heart with you.
When you left the world stopped.
Hope you return from camp soon!
| "When you left"...I understand why you repeat it so many times, and it does have a good effect in some ways, but try starting those lines out once or twice with that, and then transition into just saying what you mean...|
EX> When you left I wanted to die
When you left the storm came
All went gray
The magic stopped...
Just my opinion, it would show how all your emotions are running together and emphasize how overwhelming they are
|| Posted on 2008-11-09 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ] |