Hm... It's ok I guess. I liked the ending. The rest of the poem could be a bit better. I really don't like the repetition of this line: All around us. It doesn't make sense in this context. The flow of the poem could also be a bit better. It feels too disjointed and it's not just the double spacing. I feel like you tried to emulate some procedures but you didn't manage to do it 100%. You need to find your own rhythm. When you write you should forget about any poem you ever read and use your own memories as impulses and your own dreams as inspiration. Keep on writing!
P.S. I really like your pic, you seem like a fun person.
Submission Name: The Night Crashes
