Old mother Hubbard did live a bad life,
She wore narrow trousers, and carried a knife.
Is it no wonder the cupboards were bare,
As she'd flogged all the silver, to buy underwear.
As for the doggy and his little bone,
Well that's another story, as you can tell by the tone.
Recently she had opened a house of ill repute,
Using her new underwear as a business suit.
She employed Little Miss Muffit and Little Bo Peep,
And it wasn't for eating curds or counting sheep.
She took on Lucy Locket who lost more than her pocket,
Her earnings were so good,that the profits did rocket.
Little Mary became more than just contrary,
As all her men came from across the prairie.
The little old woman who once lived in a shoe,
Was hired as a Madam, she really did know what to do.
The Grand Old Duke of York was the first to attend,
While his ten thousand men had their equipment to amend.
Old Gorgie Porgie could still make a girl cry,
And Little Bo-Peep wanted to find out why?
Little Boy Blue was there for this horn to be blown,
But no one was available, so he wobbled off home.
Little Jack Horner loved being tied up in his corner,
Whilst watching Miss Muffit dance in the sauna.
So in the end the house of ill repute was there for all,
Even Jack became nimble when he got the call.
Lucy Locket earned enough money to go into business with a loom,
And found time to help the dish run away with the spoon.
Finally Old Mother Hubbard made the muffin man a good wife,
They moved to Drury lane, settled, and at last led a good life.