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    dots Submission Name: End of the Linedots

    ASL Info:    22/m/ P.C. FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 26/26/16
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1252


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEnd of the Linedots

    No body knows my life's at the end,
    no one's left on which to depend.
    No one can see the darkness inside,
    no more rules by which to abide.

    Living this life that I'd rather not,
    all of this pain that I'd not forgot.
    Having a terrible feel of dismay,
    being alone at the end of the day.

    A tormented soul, no freedom of flight, comfort only in shadow, I shattered the light.
    Wrapped in chains, never meant to be free,
    in a void, no direction, only blackness I see.

    Trapped in a prison, without any bars,
    cold and lonely, like a sky without any stars.
    Living in this life, I'd wish on no foe,
    as I'm going, I'm coming; if I stay, I must go.

    A nomad on foot, no place to call home,
    a blemish of rust on well polished chrome.
    Blood pooling,Death coming, my chest starts to sink,
    suddenly, violently, I am pulled back from the brink.

    The rush hits me hard, as Earth and I meet,
    hearing a new voice, familiar and sweet.
    She screams as she begs, with the love in her heart.
    putting all my torture to death, so a new life may start.

    Submitted on 2008-11-13 07:49:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ... ... ... ... ... ... once again im awe struck this is another very lovly peice! this peice accually and almost utterly fits my lifes story all 17 almost 18 years of it. I think that your work is absolutly the best writtings that I have seen in such a long time man I think that the poeple who put the bull [censored] that give your writings a bad name I have always like those who can write darkness and make it soo deep that it could bring a tear to a hardass like mines face. I think you should keep up the great as [censored] work man
    | Posted on 2008-12-11 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember being your age and thinking/feeling similarly. Life's a [censored], but it's not as dark and dispairing as it seems.

    That being said, I liked you're poem overall. I think you may want to work on your meter a little bit, and maybe try to avoid some of the "be" verbs. Good job and chin up.... it becomes easier.

    | Posted on 2008-11-13 00:00:00 | by Jonathan Lennox | [ Reply to This ]

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