[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: End of the Linedots

    ASL Info:    22/m/ P.C. FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 26/26/16
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1252


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEnd of the Linedots

    No body knows my life's at the end,
    no one's left on which to depend.
    No one can see the darkness inside,
    no more rules by which to abide.

    Living this life that I'd rather not,
    all of this pain that I'd not forgot.
    Having a terrible feel of dismay,
    being alone at the end of the day.

    A tormented soul, no freedom of flight, comfort only in shadow, I shattered the light.
    Wrapped in chains, never meant to be free,
    in a void, no direction, only blackness I see.

    Trapped in a prison, without any bars,
    cold and lonely, like a sky without any stars.
    Living in this life, I'd wish on no foe,
    as I'm going, I'm coming; if I stay, I must go.

    A nomad on foot, no place to call home,
    a blemish of rust on well polished chrome.
    Blood pooling,Death coming, my chest starts to sink,
    suddenly, violently, I am pulled back from the brink.

    The rush hits me hard, as Earth and I meet,
    hearing a new voice, familiar and sweet.
    She screams as she begs, with the love in her heart.
    putting all my torture to death, so a new life may start.

    Submitted on 2008-11-13 07:49:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ... ... ... ... ... ... once again im awe struck this is another very lovly peice! this peice accually and almost utterly fits my lifes story all 17 almost 18 years of it. I think that your work is absolutly the best writtings that I have seen in such a long time man I think that the poeple who put the bull [censored] that give your writings a bad name I have always like those who can write darkness and make it soo deep that it could bring a tear to a hardass like mines face. I think you should keep up the great as [censored] work man
    | Posted on 2008-12-11 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember being your age and thinking/feeling similarly. Life's a [censored], but it's not as dark and dispairing as it seems.

    That being said, I liked you're poem overall. I think you may want to work on your meter a little bit, and maybe try to avoid some of the "be" verbs. Good job and chin up.... it becomes easier.

    | Posted on 2008-11-13 00:00:00 | by Jonathan Lennox | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Giving written by jjd
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Push written by JanePlane
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Promise written by annie0888
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]