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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreamer's Lamentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blue Monk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1556/457/118
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1005
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 333



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreamer's Lamentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Whence come our dreams from in the night
    angels divine or fairies bright
    their passage made between the ways
    which favors night moreso than days

    within dark shadows these bards stalk
    and in our minds creation mock
    within a timeless slumber, yet
    for all of this we soon forget




    Submitted on 2008-11-15 01:50:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      dreams! where do they emit and for what reasons? monk, this piece is surreal in a way; with its rhyme, reason, and resounding blueness. thats right, blueness. while reading this i couldn't help but see swirls of blue pervading your ideas. perhaps i have synesthesia or its the quality of the piece. it must be the former. (wait, if the former is the quality of the piece. i always get them mixed up).

    well done, monk.
    jp
    | Posted on 2011-05-17 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      i missed this first time around...and really like it...

    very soft in its beat...dreamy in the rhythm...and appropriately so because of the dream feel...the idea that we often dream the most creative stuff and then wake to have it all gone and forgotten...if only we could type in our dreams on a make-believe typewriter or keyboard...and in the morning...see our dream poems on the screen...

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-24 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh dreams sweet dreams, I have actually had a few become true. Feels like deja vu when these happen and leave you with that empty feeling that there should have been more at the end of that path. I have a theory about dreams... they are angels and demons fighting in our subconscious and he who is victorious gets their way with you at night . Nightmares when the bad guy wins and sweet dreams when the angels lose. Liked reading this... it made my brain itch a bit
    | Posted on 2010-12-13 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      reading a few of your pieces i like the density of ideas at work, there are a lot of ideas at play.

    you also have very nice rhythm, some of the more pleasing stuff that i've read of late.

    i think whence come our dreams works better, otherwise there is a clash of plurals.
    | Posted on 2010-02-18 00:00:00 | by theAlysonDiarys | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm. Let me start off with saying that I have a very fond love affair with dreams and the dreamscape. I like to class myself as a dreamer and the thought of fantastical happenings never fail to spark a boyish kind of excitment in me. So your first stanza immediately made me want to read more. Good job on that.
    The rhyme scheme in that first verse also works very nicely. The flow of the words and line length feels spot on to me.

    Alas, the second stanza doesn't quite hold up to the promise of the first. It feels a little weaker and didn't impact upon me, the Reader, as well as the first four lines of your poem did. Why is this? The repetition of 'within' seemed a little clumsy. The rhyme scheme is a little off from the first verse (not that rhyme schemes are the be-all-and-end-all to poetry - I don't tend to stick to them much myself - but for such a short piece which has already set up such a nicely rhythmic rhyme scheme at the beginning, it seems a shame not to follow through with it). And although I like the final thought behind the last line, I feel it doesn't have the oomph that would make this poem a real standout piece.

    Please don't take these comments as a negative. I really did like the ideas and images behind your writing. It's very magical; and you can never have enough magic in the world. And for that, I thank you.

    Have a good one.


    | Posted on 2009-12-16 00:00:00 | by Jacoby | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyming isn't cheezy which is always good. I'm a dreamer myself so I could connect with this.
    I think the only thing I can find wrong is the lack of comma's at the end of the lines. And the full stop at the end.
    But that's it. Well writen and enjoyable.
    | Posted on 2009-08-05 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      you message is about dreams are excellent , just go a little deeper into the poem to draw a image so the vision can appear real , good poem
    | Posted on 2009-03-31 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]
      I wonder why dreams work this way,
    to revel all night, then flee from day
    leaving the mind with only dream's traces
    a faded album full of forgotten faces.


    Quite a little thought-provoking write, Blue.
    Thanks for sharing it.

    | Posted on 2008-11-15 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]


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