Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Money


Author: Katrinagolden
ASL Info:    27/F/chicago
Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 228 /213 /53
Words: 152
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1156
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 925



Description:


I would never sell my soul of course, it has no material value but still I do have headahces just thinking abou the evils of money....hate it...any comments will help...it is a work in progress but its something I felt I needed to write....by the way Thursday represents my pay day....lol


Money



You fleet away before I can catch you
Promises of happiness always allude you

Wish I could have more of you
Life would certainly be easy
Happiness is said to be near
Yet I always want more

Thursday here we come
Oh what a happy day
But where has it all gone?
Gone before I even got a taste of it

Wonder how much my soul costs?
Would it get me those new shoes?

The magic of the credit gone
Time to pay those bills
It goes here and there, mostly everywhere
But never in my pocket

Sadness in my life, all to no avail
Wish I could have more of you
Life would certainly be easy

Go around in my 9 to 5
Work, work, work
Money is never enough
It seems the answer to everything
Yet it fleets away in an instant





Submitted on 2008-11-18 03:52:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  An extremely good topic to write about. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it helps. And that's what I think but then I see people who live on nothing and are the most content and open-minded people I've met. I can especially relate with the line "It goes here and there, mostly everywhere But never in my pocket". Very well put. You have written "nore" instead of "more" in verse 6.

Good piece

- A.I.M
| Posted on 2008-11-19 00:00:00 | by AIM | [ Reply to This ]
  it's the love of money that is the root...

interesting piece... though unfortunately, we all have to work in order to survive in this world. I don't think that is greedy, it is just a necessary. Of course most of us (myself included) would like at least a little bit left over at the end of the week to be able to do things... is this greedy? Not sure. Greedy to me is taking more than you need. Greedy to me is not leaving anything for anyone else. Greedy to me is contantly taking and giving nothing in return. Greedy to me would be loving money and not my neighbor. The reality is, having money makes things easier in some ways but not all. In having it, problems don't miraculously go away, it's just that the problems are different. ya know? There is nothing wrong with wanting a pair of shoes, however... if one thinks that the shoes will make them happy, that is another story. If anything, it is not long-lasting. Material stuff is material... and in the end, one can't take it with.
It is just stuff. But yeah, I kinda like having heat and food and a roof over my head and I have learned to live within my means... and really, it is enough. And you know, sometimes I want more... but I think the trick is is finding gratitude for what I do have.

I like your initial thought here, though I think the piece can be worked upon. I mean why do you hate the evils of money? What is it that disturbs you most? What are real examples? These are things that I think you can touch on or illustrate for the reader. I mean show us what real greed is... or what the love of money does.

just my unspecified view...
| Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
  "Wonder how much my soul cost?" cost shold be costs i think but is worth would be better than both. "I wish i could have nore of you" should be none.

It is important to remember money is neutral. You are really raging against greed so it would better to adress that. Money is the root of all evil? Are money and greed that same?
We want money, but what does money want.?
the refrain greedy, greedy greedy
didn't do much for me the peom's central focus is on greed I thought it was overkill but see what other's think. Overall not bad. I leave it to you.
peace


| Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



168045