(No Spam mail)
2.26 - 119/300/559
Has this candle lit vandal come tearing its lament
To augment such weary marches of sorrow
All weeping configured the fingers of fate
To turn molded clay to the empty vessel of a soul
Heartless gold plated grinning reminder
Of shattered silk doors of sin
Thrown wide to deceitful imperious walls
Where scratched each breath of hope and denied the softest touch
Foul echo of triumph born by flightless wings
Its truce delivered on the drunken mutterings of fools
Nailed in their fickle easy clamoring
For tasteless gilded shells and inconsequent meaning
By mediocrity dazzled in consummate tears
So readily bloated fall in their thick passages of treasure
Broken amidst perfumery and powders wasteland of plastic
Triumphant beguiling of salvation
The perceiving vista procured to grand a compromise
Belittled in the preference of trash
Agreeing on indistinct monuments
And shunned the solitary deliverance of truth
Inescapable nondescript insipid vandals
Bemoaning their wretched use
And defiled by fate their heartless whit
To ignorance is made consummate
All proposal of the innocent
Gathered to worshipful psalms
On a blankets bland demand of deceit
Submitted on 2008-11-18 18:04:02
Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Rate This Submission
2: I dunno...
4: Pretty cool
||| Comments |||
Overall I thought this was very good. I did feel that you went a bit overboard with the words and it came across as a little pretentious, but then, what do I know?
It read like a more old-style type of poem, which I liked and it flowed well.
In conclusion: I liked it!
| Posted on 2008-11-19 00:00:00 | by
Reply to This
Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
no sky on the other side
Across the bed
A Sense Of Things
The Human Harmonic
Live In Between
Relentless. The Visceral Fracture.
// Seasonal Song
In a Corner
Sword in the Water
None the Wiser
Vortex: The Imagination That Is
Enter your search terms
Submit search form
January 10 07
I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my
[ Smaller ]
[ Bigger ]