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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hung up dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 512
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620



    Description:
       Hung up is about someone lonely wanting love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHung up dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hung up on the clothesline of life
    The sun warmly touches me
    From its lofty perch in the sky
    As I sway gently to and fro
    With the rhythm of the wind

    Below, people, things, come and go
    As I wonder who, why they are
    And what are they all doing
    Filling my world so wonderfully
    With the magic of their being

    I hope someone soon may look up, see me
    Caress me with an admiring look
    Find my colors tempting so as to
    Reach up, feel the softness of my fabric
    Then unpin me to wrap about her body





    Submitted on 2008-11-20 13:44:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hung up on the clothesline of life
    The sun warmly touches me
    From its lofty perch in the sky
    As I sway gently to and fro
    With the rhythm of the wind

    The so and so of life is meh. You could say anything before "of life." Very bland. Also, "the rhthym of the wind." Think outside! But, other than that, in this stanza, I like the imagery. I like when the author let's me see what s/he is talking about.

    Below, people, things, come and go
    As I wonder who, why they are
    And what are they all doing
    Filling my world so wonderfully
    With the magic of their being

    I don't get how people walking below you, a piece of clothing-type person on a clothesline, fills your world with the magic of their being. Doesn't seem to fit here at all...

    I hope someone soon may look up, see me
    Caress me with an admiring look
    Find my colors tempting so as to
    Reach up, feel the softness of my fabric
    Then unpin me to wrap about her body

    I like this last stanza most. For some reason, I see a Mexican woman or Hindu woman walking along a cobbled street in her country and looking up to see you. (You know how they have clotheslines that reach from one window in a building to the window of the building across the street). Like that. And she reaches up and fulfills your want. ^_^

    -mo-
    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by mojymo | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool, at first i didn't understand you were the clothes on the line even though you had mentioned the clothesline. I liked the way you made an everyday chore be more about the simplistic way to be left hanging in the breeze. goodwrite.
    | Posted on 2008-11-21 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]


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