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    dots Submission Name: Colddots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 464
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 844

       Thinking of a dream that I saw on 23-Nov-08 8:45pm IST.

    A woman that I wanted… walked away from her as I had fallen but stopped by myself to fall from a dream similar to her. She looked the same but perfect.
    My heart cried and love froze into the darkness that prevails in me.
    Goals money all that is what I see and I live to die one day without my woman to ever prevail ---- Maya

    (I do not know the name of the woman I saw but she is the one and nature said to me no. She was looking at me with some anger in her eyes. I do not know whether that woman felt that I looked ugly because I had seen those cold eyes before. A woman’s eyes really hurt. Especially when I can feel that they don’t want me but my eyes cry for her.)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Dreams do they come true,
    an eye that said it again.
    But I cried for her as she would walk away,
    a lie that I say to myself.

    The anger that she sought,
    ask myself as the ugly one.
    A thought that prevails in me,
    Maya will you be with one.

    Thy self not exist for her,
    but a dream shall exist in me.
    Those eyes, the love, that melts,
    in me shall I forever see?

    Why? do I ask in this lonely crowd,
    I see but not believe.
    My godess as I think and die,
    a rose that burns to conceive.

    Walked away left everything behind,
    a body that heard none to the heart.
    Cold as I felt I have become,
    a dream that can never be sought.

    Maya - a dream that can never true.

    Submitted on 2008-11-23 15:57:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm afraid I can't give you much constructive criticism. This is pretty abstract for my concrete mind. I don't know if it was intended to be that way or if it's a result of English not being your native language.

    I noted in your description, that you called this person you longed for "women." That is incorrect. A single female human is called a WOMAN. More than one female human is called WOMEN.

    Good luck in your English language learning - and keep writing. mae
    | Posted on 2008-12-18 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]

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