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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Colddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 464
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 844



    Description:
       Thinking of a dream that I saw on 23-Nov-08 8:45pm IST.

    A woman that I wanted… walked away from her as I had fallen but stopped by myself to fall from a dream similar to her. She looked the same but perfect.
    My heart cried and love froze into the darkness that prevails in me.
    Goals money all that is what I see and I live to die one day without my woman to ever prevail ---- Maya

    (I do not know the name of the woman I saw but she is the one and nature said to me no. She was looking at me with some anger in her eyes. I do not know whether that woman felt that I looked ugly because I had seen those cold eyes before. A woman’s eyes really hurt. Especially when I can feel that they don’t want me but my eyes cry for her.)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsColddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dreams do they come true,
    an eye that said it again.
    But I cried for her as she would walk away,
    a lie that I say to myself.

    The anger that she sought,
    ask myself as the ugly one.
    A thought that prevails in me,
    Maya will you be with one.

    Thy self not exist for her,
    but a dream shall exist in me.
    Those eyes, the love, that melts,
    in me shall I forever see?

    Why? do I ask in this lonely crowd,
    I see but not believe.
    My godess as I think and die,
    a rose that burns to conceive.

    Walked away left everything behind,
    a body that heard none to the heart.
    Cold as I felt I have become,
    a dream that can never be sought.

    Maya - a dream that can never true.




    Submitted on 2008-11-23 15:57:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm afraid I can't give you much constructive criticism. This is pretty abstract for my concrete mind. I don't know if it was intended to be that way or if it's a result of English not being your native language.

    I noted in your description, that you called this person you longed for "women." That is incorrect. A single female human is called a WOMAN. More than one female human is called WOMEN.

    Good luck in your English language learning - and keep writing. mae
    | Posted on 2008-12-18 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]


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