it's actually "redundant" sis.
I like this idea but i'm not entirely sure...
I wake up,
I never sleep (this is good)
I fill my lungs,
I never breathe (this is good)
I move my lips,
I never speak (this is good)
Broken pipes that never leak (this seems out of place and unnecessary)
I open eyes,
I cannot see (this is good)
I spire thoughts
I cannot teach
(did you mean "inspire"? if so, maybe if you did something like:
Inspired thoughts
I never think
it would fit better with the rest)
I drip in eighths,
I cannot listen (I'm not sure I understand this part?)
Tortured souls that cannot glisten (again this line seems out of place when taken with the rest, I do think you need to have something to wrap the whole thing in a bow, so to speak, but I don't know that this works.)
I think you have something here, just needs a little love.
I do like this idea a lot.
Submission Name: rudundant
