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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: so, againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1178



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsso, againdots
    -------------------------------------------




    so, again, a falling leaf
    reminds you of passing faces.
    the night tells you
    that you're five words away
    from dreaming deeply. of woods
    in norway, spindly-sticked, but
    it's just another dream
    of a far-off place. where
    you might travel to
    in 3.27 years time.
    if luck and coins kiss you
    on the cheek. if the crush
    of living doesn't drag you
    under the soil, over the mountains
    to another world. one where hinges
    are hanging, where the salty sheen
    of undrying tears is the only comfort
    you know. so, again, spring sings
    of a goddess you should've said sorry to
    two nights ago. where you should've
    knelt, looked at the ground
    and begged. and said
    "i'm hopeless sometimes,
    i know. i'm a forgetful lump
    who feels loss
    with each drooping
    flower he sees, who rises
    when the sun peeks for just
    one second, who dreams
    too deeply, too longingly
    for something
    indefinable."




    Submitted on 2008-11-25 06:37:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is going to sound so cliché...

    but I just have to say it.
    The flow in this poem...for lack of a better word, is amazing.

    and like others have commented, you threw some interesting stuff in there like the specific 3.27 years, which caused me to pause for a moment and wonder at your specific time. I also adored the lines

    "if luck and coins kiss you
    on the cheek. if the crush
    of living doesn't drag you
    under the soil, over the mountains
    to another world. one where hinges
    are hanging, where the salty sheen
    of undrying tears is the only comfort
    you know."

    I could see some pretty.... interesting images flash through my head as i read that.

    all in all this was a very creative and fresh piece.
    I'll be adding this.

    peace.

    -CC
    | Posted on 2008-11-25 00:00:00 | by CourtneyLynne | [ Reply to This ]
      some poems i read and like , then i try to think why, maybe it,s because of your word usage, or how this one goes from one vivid image to another then you "throw" in words like "lump" or "3.27 years" "drooping flower" just to catch us of guard but somehow they fit in and make sense. we have a saying in germany"you can,t see the tree for the forrest" i suppose sometimes we look to hard for something and we don,t know that it is or was always in our reach.
    enjoyable poem
    take care
    | Posted on 2008-11-25 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      At first the Smug One didn't understand this..
    then after some Magic Mushrooms there's a new understanding to this.....
    you see....

    I am Great...
    I am the world of which you're dreaming about.
    the falling leaf is dougs underwear falling to the ground... the passing face as i lay you down...
    under the soil and over my mountain...
    yup, i could go all day but I'm far to high


    Smug Doug totally got this poem... it's about me and how Great I am.
    | Posted on 2008-11-25 00:00:00 | by Smug_Doug | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. its unique and creates a nice image. it was flowing nicely for me until the word "lump." for some reason that threw me off a bit. But maybe you would rather have that effect with it. either way, i liked it. it kept me interested to the end...which is often not the case :)
    | Posted on 2008-11-25 00:00:00 | by Amberdy | [ Reply to This ]


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