Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1586



    Description:
       hate this one. ugh. but i like it at the same time, kind of,


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who are we fooling?
    In our contraband of epic lies,
    the lips of Serenity bleeding, forgotten
    spoken too many times with ill will.

    Why do things have to make sense?
    Why does life yearn- for presence?
    Itself, alone, as always- alone,
    we are but entities of destruction,
    a million billion grenades
    set to seal our bitter end.

    But life itself yearns for harmony,
    words that flow and flit like rain,
    like a melody caught in the fingertips
    of a child in a springtime play,
    where metaphors linger as clouds
    on the edge of our eyes with our dreams.

    Dreams of reality,
    as we wish it, where poetry flows.

    Poetry like lullabies that lulls the heart to ache,
    and carry ‘way the dreaded life we have lived to fake,
    all robots in an endless whirl of drab felicity,
    we take our dues when we are through- and never let it be,

    we can’t just rhyme and let our lies set down where they lay,
    we must all conform to find our pieces of this bitter day,
    and form a life from crossword hints- deciding what is right,
    think of things like pillow mints and sweets to make life bright,

    when we should have left our lives
    with our bitter Plight,
    Serenity’s a bitter fool,
    she’s gone from all our sight,
    Now we are but Plight’s great tool,
    to massacre our race,
    to desecrate our hallowed grounds
    and spit right in God’s face.




    Submitted on 2008-11-26 19:58:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this, because of the theme, the words and phrases are so strong and filled with such intellectual impact. I know the feeling towards humanity that you describe here for I feel it myself a good bit, like we are constantly dooming ourselves and everything beautiful around us, living so selfishly. But, we do have such great potential too. I think my favorite part was:
    "But life itself yearns for harmony,
    words that flow and flit like rain,
    like a melody caught in the fingertips
    of a child in a springtime play,
    where metaphors linger as clouds
    on the edge of our eyes with our dreams."
    Very nice writing right there. The capitalizing on some parts and not on others sort of distracted me and the sudden rhyming at the end caused me to mentally have to change the flow of my reading, don't know if you are wanting that or not. I also like the use of the obscure metaphors and similes in this, like the crossword clues and pillow mints, reminds me of how I try to say things in some of my pieces. Well this is getting long, anyway good job and keep it up
    | Posted on 2008-11-28 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm. I actually like it. Since I'm very opinionated, I rarely enjoy poetry that degardes humanity in a whole and speaks of life's worthlessness. But this is good stuff. I even agree with some of it. There's a really good closing line you've got.

    - A.I.M
    | Posted on 2008-11-28 00:00:00 | by AIM | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168355

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry