Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: crushed dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: scardnscared
    ASL Info:    25/ DFW
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 585/498/311
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscrushed dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk down this aisle alone
    i've got to tell the people that we love
    that someone couldn't make it today
    and that someone is you.
    Somehow you blinded me from the start
    showed me love then broke my heart
    told me that it would always be me and you
    now its you and her.
    Where do I stand now
    am I done, out for the count
    or should I try
    but right now its just to hard.
    I watch the emotions cross their face
    as I let them know that you left me
    some surprise and some shock
    but mostly anger and some smug relief
    I guess not everybody liked me.
    I stand here in my wedding dress
    begging god to tell me this
    how did I become the girl in the magazine
    the pretty little thing without a clue
    a pretty little thing without a heart or even a dream.




    Submitted on 2008-11-26 21:45:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great piece. I love how sincere it is. There are a couple places where it could flow better. The prime example being when you wrote:

    "Where do I stand now
    am I done, out for the count
    or should I try
    but right now its just to hard."

    You seem to have a rhyme scheme everywhere in the piece but here.

    I loved this though. Keep writing.
    Katherine :]
    | Posted on 2008-11-27 00:00:00 | by Katherine_Music | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168358

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Live In Between written by teika5
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry