Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: crushed dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: scardnscared
    ASL Info:    25/ DFW
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 585/498/311
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscrushed dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk down this aisle alone
    i've got to tell the people that we love
    that someone couldn't make it today
    and that someone is you.
    Somehow you blinded me from the start
    showed me love then broke my heart
    told me that it would always be me and you
    now its you and her.
    Where do I stand now
    am I done, out for the count
    or should I try
    but right now its just to hard.
    I watch the emotions cross their face
    as I let them know that you left me
    some surprise and some shock
    but mostly anger and some smug relief
    I guess not everybody liked me.
    I stand here in my wedding dress
    begging god to tell me this
    how did I become the girl in the magazine
    the pretty little thing without a clue
    a pretty little thing without a heart or even a dream.




    Submitted on 2008-11-26 21:45:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great piece. I love how sincere it is. There are a couple places where it could flow better. The prime example being when you wrote:

    "Where do I stand now
    am I done, out for the count
    or should I try
    but right now its just to hard."

    You seem to have a rhyme scheme everywhere in the piece but here.

    I loved this though. Keep writing.
    Katherine :]
    | Posted on 2008-11-27 00:00:00 | by Katherine_Music | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168358

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Shi written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Every..... written by jackz
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry