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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perfect Drugdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 13
    Class/Type: Haiku/Serious
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 93



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerfect Drugdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The search has no end

    Perfection, an evil vice

    Unreachable high




    Submitted on 2008-11-29 02:43:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I must say that I have never read a haiku that takes on the topic of drugs and drug abuse. For this, you get automatic kudos for taking this ancient tradition into the modern culture. That being said, there are somethings about this that I like and do not like...

    I liked how straightforward it was. However, I feel that it would be better if it was more personal. Perhaps by changing "The" to "This", you could make it seem that the search is your own and we the reader would automatically feel sympathy for you (unless we are the kind that would hate druggies).

    Probably my favorite line is the last line. "Unreachable high" has this image attached to it of a thin, dirty man reaching for the sky with all that he has. Very nice. It gives a one-two punch to the end which I think makes a haiku a haiku.

    Good job and I hope to hear more from you soon!
    <3
    | Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by AshNight | [ Reply to This ]
      i always thought haiku were to be natured themed? though i do like consistency in metaphore, though in 3 simple lines how can you get off track. word choice is quite nice. it reminds me of my room mate back when i went to school out of state. she was a recovering anorexic.

    nice write,

    Ash
    | Posted on 2008-11-30 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


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