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    dots Submission Name: "No," they saydots

    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1105


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"No," they saydots

    The world tells me:
    Jane, you are a bird.
    Jane, you must flit and must fly on the breeze.

    I feel the sea sweeping over me,
    I whisper to them:

    Have you ever in your life seen beaches fly?

    The world tells me:
    Jane, you have utterly sinned.
    Jane, you must wash yourself over in tears.

    I feel my scaled legs,
    I bubble to them:

    Have you ever in your life seen mermaids cry?

    The world tells me:
    Jane, all those you love hate you.
    Jane, the best path is in nooses and graves.

    I feel myself rising through the clouds,
    I sing to them:

    Have you ever seen in your life seen angels die?

    No, they say,
    No, they say.

    Submitted on 2008-11-30 20:56:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I am resuming my practice of breaking my comments up into two parts, so as to improve the old comment ratio, which is currently in the negative MILLIONS. (ha ha funny)

    Okay. Wow. I like this poem. Like, a lot. A lot a lot. I am clearly having trouble expressing this fact. God, I'm supposed to be a poet and all, so why is it that every time I run across something really good I start babbling and get all tongue-tied-in-the-Gordian-knot?
    | Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose I can still try to articulate what I like about it, although I'm having trouble putting a finger on it myself. I think it's because this poem is exactly what I need to get myself through a bad day. Although the concept isn't new (honestly, that title really put me off) it has an odd uplifting quality. Not, "God, you'll never understand me! I hate you!" This poem seems empowered by its aloneness. This poem is taking control of its own destiny.

    Although I'm not really a rhyming person myself, I thought that in this case it worked well, turning this poem into a song or, more likely, a mantra. It also made me aware of the rhythm inherent in the poem.
    | Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]

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