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    dots Submission Name: Ode to the Burrito: Synopsis of Lifedots

    Author: LRRolins
    ASL Info:    17/A/A world you dont own
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 142/140/84
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 333

       Written on 11/17/08.

    Yes,this looks and almost sounds like the stupidest (well anything actualy) poem that I have ever written.


    Just read it and tell me what you think it is rambling on about.

    Remember, we don't write the poems.
    They write themselves.


    P.S.: I didn't know what type to put it under - either 'serious' or 'comedy'. I consider it both actually, but I'll put it under 'serious' for now...to emphasize its seriousness. >,<

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOde to the Burrito: Synopsis of Lifedots

    Synopsis of the Burrito:
    The power of the poor.
    Stick it into the microwave
    with a hopeful grin.
    Eyes grow with anticipation
    as the plate spins -
    revolutionizing our whole day.
    Pop! The life force overflows -
    burnt and over the sides.
    Tada! Our whole day is now ruined.

    Submitted on 2008-12-02 20:54:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is one of the better "modern" poems I've ever read. This poem incorporates a modern day item (or items, rather) when it mentions the burrito and the microwave, but it also has the classic story of life in it. To me, the poems says that life is like a burrito (yes, I just said that haha) whereas when we see it in the microwave, we anticipate the taste of it and anticipate eating that glob of meat and bread in the microwave, but when it explodes and gets ruined, that symbolizes how our lives can drastically change for the worst when we are anticipating something good and something worth looking forward to. This poem reminds me a lot of my life right now, how I am going through that process of dealing with letdown.

    Overall this poem is very unique and I like the concept you came up with. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this piece is effective as far as modern poetry can go. However, keeping in mind that this is the product of a post-absurd, possibly even still absurd era, the meaning of the piece is lost to the assumption that it is modern thus it must have no point. Continuing on with the praises though: I still think this piece was effective. I will loosely assume that based on your age, you're nearing the end of you high school career. I'm also going to loosely assume you like social sciences - they say philosophy is where all the crazy ones go, but I beg to differ! Before I even read the piece, I had a gut feel that it would have to do with proletarians and the bourgeoisie... Which brings up my only gripe with this piece: the second verse. I think that the vernacular gives way to foreshadowing that renders the rest of the piece kind of useless... Ya know what I mean? It's like making too big of a crack in a dam when you only want a little leak, but end up breaking down the whole thing way tooo early. Yep. Perhaps changing the word 'power' to nuance away from political matters would help. At least for me, and especially if I am right. Perhaps 'crown' or something like 'Notions for the poor.' FEEL ME?

    Well yeah. So, I thought this was about economical revolutions per se of the enlightenment era and anything after that.. maybe a bit before too.. like la révolution française! The Bolshevist (cheap tard rip off of marxist) movement. Hardi-har-har. So what if Karl didn't equate for starving squires.

    Perhaps they should serve these burritos in the french royalist cafés.

    Anyhow. Tell me I'm crazy, I'll sigh, denigrate myself publicly; then we'll return to each pretending as if the other doesn't exist.
    | Posted on 2008-12-04 00:00:00 | by OrigamiLover | [ Reply to This ]
      U really like this,its a weird little poem I have to say,not stupid at all,maybe a little candy-coated but I like that.

    I came up with a change for the end line but I dont think you should use it (cos its cheesey and not in a burrito sense),

    if you change "ruin" to "toast" it will rhyme with life force overflows,

    To be honest though,I wouldnt change anything at all if I were you,its nit-pickable,but itd be a crime to make the seriousness too seriousy (not a word huh...)

    Also,its all a little metaphysical if you read into it,

    I just liked the poem though,

    the freshest most cheery piece Ive read in ages,even if it has a sad ending

    | Posted on 2008-12-02 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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