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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why do I Crydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 79/97/96
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 835



    Description:
       Its not that good, I already know that its just something that was in my head all through out the day....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy do I Crydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Question: Why do I Cry

    I'm crying now
    Alone and hurt
    Sobbing softly against my shirt

    Feeling naked and exposed
    HAnds lingering at my hai r
    Running across the invisible tears
    Is anyone there

    Is anyone there

    Am I silent, mute, unheard
    Can you not hear my voice
    As I continue to yearn
    For a name, a look, a touch, a sound

    A sound?

    My head is empty
    Drained of thought
    Hopeless to say, that I am not
    That I am not, a child of desire

    Instead I suppouse of liars

    My crying stopped
    Replaced by anguish
    Disturbing me, molding me
    Into another

    Into another....

    New Question: Why do I hate




    Submitted on 2008-12-04 01:10:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Don't worry about rhyming so much, just let it flow and be true. If it is, then there will be some rythym to it, albeit difficult to distinguish.
    It's great that you convey your emotions like a winter on the barren tundra and not just like a rainy day. I feel cold and alone while reading it. I think the stark strong words add to the strength of your piece. Keep on keeping on.
    | Posted on 2008-12-07 00:00:00 | by salviadelusion | [ Reply to This ]
      Only thing I see wrong is one spelling error and some of the words have spaces in between them.

    "Instead I *suppouse* of liars"
    Suppose

    I would just proof read and then it'll be chill.

    I can't see how anyone's poetry could ever be not that good, if it's something to you then it's something. For the record, I really like it.

    <3.Sarah.
    | Posted on 2008-12-04 00:00:00 | by SDodson | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    168561

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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