Why do I Cry by BlueTorcher

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Submission Name: Why do I Cry dots

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Author:	BlueTorcher
Elite Ratio:	5.82 - 73/57/63
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	167
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	835

Description:
Its not that good, I already know that its just something that was in my head all through out the day....

Why do I Cry dots

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Question: Why do I Cry

I'm crying now
Alone and hurt
Sobbing softly against my shirt

Feeling naked and exposed
HAnds lingering at my hai r
Running across the invisible tears
Is anyone there

Is anyone there

Am I silent, mute, unheard
Can you not hear my voice
As I continue to yearn
For a name, a look, a touch, a sound

A sound?

My head is empty
Drained of thought
Hopeless to say, that I am not
That I am not, a child of desire

Instead I suppouse of liars

My crying stopped
Replaced by anguish
Disturbing me, molding me
Into another

Into another....

New Question: Why do I hate

Submitted on 2008-12-04 01:10:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Don't worry about rhyming so much, just let it flow and be true. If it is, then there will be some rythym to it, albeit difficult to distinguish.
It's great that you convey your emotions like a winter on the barren tundra and not just like a rainy day. I feel cold and alone while reading it. I think the stark strong words add to the strength of your piece. Keep on keeping on.
| Posted on 2008-12-07 00:00:00 | by salviadelusion | [ Reply to This ]
Only thing I see wrong is one spelling error and some of the words have spaces in between them.

"Instead I *suppouse* of liars"
Suppose

I would just proof read and then it'll be chill.

I can't see how anyone's poetry could ever be not that good, if it's something to you then it's something. For the record, I really like it.

<3.Sarah.
| Posted on 2008-12-04 00:00:00 | by SDodson | [ Reply to This ]

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