Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Meeting of Two Loversdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 362
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1913



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Meeting of Two Loversdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There was a long wait by the park benches past midnight. A humid stench melted off the waste and plant life that accumulated like a thin layer of placenta across the belly of the lake. A man sat on the bench and smelled in the stink of the night. He pulled his coat closer to him; he tugged at the collar to stand up on his neck. His eyes shifted to the extreme corners of each eye in opposite directions. There was no one anywhere, yet just beyond the mist in the distance he could feel the pulse of the city throbbing and vibrating into the late hour.

    He casually stood up to send away the chaotic stillness on this side of the air. He held the ground down with his body and concentrated on the rhythm of his breathing. He needed to be in direct contact with his self. He used his left hand to reach into his right coat pocket to grab a pack of smokes. His right hand fished into the left, here he wrapped his fingers around both targets and brought them together at his mouth.

    Finally the winds shifted carrying a woman’s perfume to his head and into his blood, down his veins, tickling his genitals with a warm heat. He sat back down onto the bench and filtered the smoke through his lungs, then exhaled the rest back into the chill of the night. It was an uncommonly soft night he had decided, soft and ripe for the picking. Like her, and there she came through the mist. Her hair was pulled back tight against her head and she wore a long trench coat like the feminine form of his. Sparkling koi fish earrings dangled at her chin. She walked and stood before him.

    So she was here. This was what he had come to find out.

    Not late for class today.
    Takes pride in her work, flirts shamelessly with the present.
    He sighed, well no matter what else came between them at least there was this and it was a start, she was here.




    Submitted on 2008-12-04 01:38:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's good, but I'd like to see more variation in sentence structure. Add some exclamations and questions maybe.
    | Posted on 2009-03-01 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      A dude sitting in the park, smoking, waiting to meet a girl -- you captured some of the feelings he might've been feeling through the environment around him . . . or percieved environment. It was good.
    | Posted on 2008-12-25 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...Yeah, I quite liked this. I felt it read like a passage out of a book.

    I think your descriptive work was very good, but perhaps a little over-the-top in some places.

    Overall though, I did think this was very good and enjoyable to read. It's not really like anything I've read before. You have talent.

    Nice photo, by the way.
    | Posted on 2008-12-05 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168562

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    prison written by ShyOne
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Etiquette written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry