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    dots Submission Name: opendots

    Author: liquid
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 35/48/13
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1604


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I will be you apprentice
    if you will be mine
    and together we will learn
    each other’s secret ways.

    The tilt of your head,
    or the tilt of your smile:
    these, I will study.

    I am an unpeeler of things
    and you fascinate me.
    I am the one with the house full of tangerine skins
    I am the one who peels a potato just to see
    the tender whiteness of the inside, even
    after all those buried weeks.

    You are the Mona Lisa—no,
    you are the canvas when all that paint is peeled away
    you are what Leonardo first saw
    the blank cloth
    that beat with a secret heart
    that had a hundred dreams hiding
    inside of it.

    Some days
    I want to wrap you up in all
    the important clothes—the gray coat,
    the red scarf, the green shirt
    (with the hot cocoa stain. I made it for you,
    and then slowly peel off each layer
    one by one.
    The unpeeling
    is a joy within itself.

    Some days
    I want to play pick-up sticks
    with the Coliseum, or your soul—
    the Roman pillars of your heart.
    I want to drag away every Doric column
    until what’s left
    on it own.

    Some days
    I want to peel away the blueness of the sky
    expose it for the carpet that it is
    the seams and nails
    our hopes are hung on.
    Maybe it would be beautiful.
    Maybe it would be poetry.

    Submitted on 2008-12-05 03:02:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow, it is amazing. I do think that you could add a bit more about the person your talking about, and by that i mean to add what they think in another poem or something.
    but the first paragraph is m personal favorite.

    I will be you apprentice
    if you will be mine
    and together we will learn
    each other’s secret ways.

    It's just gorgeous.

    | Posted on 2008-12-08 00:00:00 | by wizardmaster | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was amazing, I loved it. No honestly it is perfect. I love how you treat her the person with such care and beauty. Like you want to see what's really there because it intrigues you and because you already know it's going to be beautiful.

    I love how there is that delicacy there with the structure and the examples. It is just a beautiful write all together, that person is lucky to have you.

    One typo in the beginning when it says you and means your but otherwise it is flawless.

    thank you for writing this piece :)

    | Posted on 2008-12-07 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]

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