[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: nightimedots

    Author: wizardmaster
    ASL Info:    2314/girl/China
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 7/7/21
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 622


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    stars twinkling in the sky.
    always stay put where they belong.
    not moving one inch,
    not falling down.

    constellations twinkling,
    little and big dipper.
    some real and some legendary,
    shining brightest at their now.

    crescent moon in the dark,
    along with the stars.
    clouds don't even ruin them,
    sparking like dreams waiting to come true.

    soaring little owlets,
    catching tiny squeaking mice.
    a red wolf howls,
    until the shining sun breaks forth to dawn

    Submitted on 2008-12-07 21:05:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       NOTE: I am about to suggest a bunch of things that you don't have to pay any attention to.

    I love the beginning of this poem. It is beautifully phrased and it gives a real suggestions of a character behind this piece.
    The statement about stars always staying put where they belong could even be turned into a poem unto itself. At this point the poem is a fairly competent descriptive piece that tells you what the night sky looks like but doesn't make you really think. But some of the phrases you have--always stay put where they belong, clouds don't even ruin them, sparkling like dreams waiting to come true--make me feel like this is a philosophical poem yearning to breathe free.
    At this point the poem describes the night sky. But I think that you could also describe your relation to the night sky, give the readers an emotional connection to this poem. You could describe yourself in relation to the stars--are you stuck in one place, like them? Or are you constantly in motion? I think that adding something that gives the reader a reason to care about this poem could work wonders on it.
    You have some real gems of phrases in here and a lovely poetic voice. I think that if you explored those phrases and ideas a bit more and this could become a gem of a poem.
    | Posted on 2008-12-08 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]