Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Fatal Attraction


Author: Jessa
ASL Info:    29/f/pa
Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 221 /209 /73
Words: 161
Class/Type: Lyrics /BrokenHeart
Total Views: 1568
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1000



Description:


Scared of men...women too.


Fatal Attraction




Insanity greed’s over a grieving heart
Surrounded by people, but a world apart
Caution invades a wondrous mind
Beauty is lost in the eyes of the blind

I looked into the soul of lonely and despair
Thought I was the one to do the repair
I took a fat chance and let down my guard
Woke up alone and permanently scarred

Now waiting, but not looking, for that one other
Too frightened to seek beyond a brother
For now I fear smiles and a wink of an eye
Much rather run and yell out “Goodbye”

A stalking reminder of what I attract
A cute little pit bull trained to attack
Never really know someone until it’s too late
“I forgot to tell you I’m owned by the state!”

Insanity greed’s over a grieving heart
I buried my name to keep us apart
Love is only fear of being alone
A heart metamorphosed to breakable bone




Submitted on 2008-12-09 02:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  rhyme scheme was wonderful, this was one of the most unique love pomes i have read and i loved it a lot. i dont think this could have been better if u used a differnt pattern, but maybe. idk i love it the way it is, adn theres nothin i would change about this. but never be scared to love someone no matter who it is, be scared not to love someone. being scared of love means ur scared of your feelings, never let anyone make u scared of ur feelings there urs and no one can take them away from you. amazing poem it really moved me, nice job
tayla aka sick of hurtigng u.
| Posted on 2008-12-18 00:00:00 | by SickOfHurting U | [ Reply to This ]
  i think the rhyme scheme was great, a fine piece truly, however the heart behind it is what disturbs me. It truly says that love can harm, but we both know love can't, because the girl in this gave the golden heart and it was broken down from inside her. But true love will build not break, give not steal, live though death itself and will not die, so she knows this but beacuse the pain is unbearable she will refuse to love again, so I tell to "her," rise up, stand, and love again.
| Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by Doublefeather | [ Reply to This ]
  Last stanza: best original, nonclichéd description of love I've seen in a while. That is saying something. Don't worry if you just don't want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever... or are afraid to. Plenty of people are. Otherwise, interesting read.

Best wishes,
-Shadow
| Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this..so what if the "rhyme pattern" is played out- You still used unique words and metaphor's. Great writ.
| Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Joybell | [ Reply to This ]
  I dunno AABB rhyming is kinda played out. You need to have a perfect style and rhythm to make it work in our day and age. Don't get me wrong, the poem is ok but it would have been better if you used a diferent pattern.
| Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



168733