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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fatal Attractiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jessa
    ASL Info:    29/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 221/209/73
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Lyrics/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 984



    Description:
       Scared of men...women too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Fatal Attractiondots
    -------------------------------------------



    Insanity greed’s over a grieving heart
    Surrounded by people, but a world apart
    Caution invades a wondrous mind
    Beauty is lost in the eyes of the blind

    I looked into the soul of lonely and despair
    Thought I was the one to do the repair
    I took a fat chance and let down my guard
    Woke up alone and permanently scarred

    Now waiting, but not looking, for that one other
    Too frightened to seek beyond a brother
    For now I fear smiles and a wink of an eye
    Much rather run and yell out “Goodbye”

    A stalking reminder of what I attract
    A cute little pit bull trained to attack
    Never really know someone until it’s too late
    “I forgot to tell you I’m owned by the state!”

    Insanity greed’s over a grieving heart
    I buried my name to keep us apart
    Love is only fear of being alone
    A heart metamorphosed to breakable bone




    Submitted on 2008-12-09 02:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      rhyme scheme was wonderful, this was one of the most unique love pomes i have read and i loved it a lot. i dont think this could have been better if u used a differnt pattern, but maybe. idk i love it the way it is, adn theres nothin i would change about this. but never be scared to love someone no matter who it is, be scared not to love someone. being scared of love means ur scared of your feelings, never let anyone make u scared of ur feelings there urs and no one can take them away from you. amazing poem it really moved me, nice job
    tayla aka sick of hurtigng u.
    | Posted on 2008-12-18 00:00:00 | by SickOfHurting U | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the rhyme scheme was great, a fine piece truly, however the heart behind it is what disturbs me. It truly says that love can harm, but we both know love can't, because the girl in this gave the golden heart and it was broken down from inside her. But true love will build not break, give not steal, live though death itself and will not die, so she knows this but beacuse the pain is unbearable she will refuse to love again, so I tell to "her," rise up, stand, and love again.
    | Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by Doublefeather | [ Reply to This ]
      Last stanza: best original, nonclichéd description of love I've seen in a while. That is saying something. Don't worry if you just don't want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever... or are afraid to. Plenty of people are. Otherwise, interesting read.

    Best wishes,
    -Shadow
    | Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this..so what if the "rhyme pattern" is played out- You still used unique words and metaphor's. Great writ.
    | Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Joybell | [ Reply to This ]
      I dunno AABB rhyming is kinda played out. You need to have a perfect style and rhythm to make it work in our day and age. Don't get me wrong, the poem is ok but it would have been better if you used a diferent pattern.
    | Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


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