It’s me again. You know who. I guess I’m just in one of those moods again…ranting and raving. It seemed like things were getting better in my life, but now that I look at it…. things are just spiraling down and down…. again.
Why am I so lonely…I’m not single. And my boyfriend is absolutely awesome, yet I still have a longing in my heart that I cant pinpoint. It sometimes makes me feel like a confused mess…well…I guess I am. I have that “Physicalness” that I needed, but are the emotions there, is my heart in it. What am I really longing for. There no such thing as romance in my life…and im scared that hes not ready for the kind of relationship that I want, the kind that I’ve already had, the kind that I need. Hes just a boyfriend right, nothing special?
So why do I still cry at night? Why is it so hard to remove that frown from my face. I hope I find out soon, because im starting to go crazy. Can anyone help me, until then, peace.
LATER THAT NIGHT!!!
Its me again, nope, nothing great, same night, same problem. I just thought id add a few things. I guess im annoying my friends. Woopdy doo. Its not the first time. I wish that I could have heard it from them instead of other people though. Very nice. Thank God for Shorty. She seems to be the only person that even understands what im going through. Understands that im going crazy, and cant wait to get the hell outa here.
Soooo, I’ll just punch a couple more walls, add a couple more scars,find someone to get me hi, wether its pills, drugs or alcohol, anything will do. I'll go home, cry myself to sleep and get over it…again. All I want is to be happy in the first place, but lately im caught in a hole of utter destruction. And I don’t know how much more I can take.
SO thanks, it was nice talking to ya. Sorry if I pissed you off too…I guess Im good at that. So peace people, kiss my ass . and im sorry im not good enough for you to really be my true friend. kinda pathetic huh…..but whatever thats life.
Hope you had fun, you know...lying to me and all.
forever and always.....
you know who...