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    dots Submission Name: I Gave The Golden Heartdots

    Author: Doublefeather
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 71/61/33
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1152
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 960

       The semse pf rising from pain and the fall.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Gave The Golden Heartdots

    I gave the golden heart,
    I loved her from the start,
    I gave her everything,
    But she chose the more money and rings,

    I gave the diamond loyalty,
    I stood for freedom and the free,
    But my counry hated me,
    And my kinsmen wounded me,
    Countless became my enemies,

    I gave the silver hand,
    I gave to every man,
    But they laughed at my offer,
    And sought out the the offering of another,

    I gave the pearl lips,
    Not a foul word my tongue did drip,
    But my ridicule was insane,
    Because I said no evil,
    A curse word became my name,

    So with all the things the world did to me,
    And all that made me feel rather horribly,
    I would still love them all,
    Because love is my choice, my call,
    Love is not a game, no, much better than that,
    Consider life a man, and love where he sleeps at.

    Submitted on 2008-12-10 02:08:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i c ant say anything they didnt say already but i mean i cant type worth a crap, i say "type" because you poems are perfect if it sounds good to you dont improve on the ryming i saw typos and thats how i write i got my i deas down and sometimes forget to proof read really good but your points get across.

    yooz gotz skillz keep writting
    | Posted on 2009-05-04 00:00:00 | by lone_one | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful.
    The flow wasa bit off in places, but still it was fantastic.
    I can't say much more.

    Keep up the awesome work and I'll keep reading

    | Posted on 2009-01-02 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is fantastic! Gives the reader a feel of trying and trying again. The poem shows how you were struck down but you never truly failed. It's beautiful because even after all that you still kept up, you never quit. I find this write very inspiring. Great job!

    | Posted on 2008-12-12 00:00:00 | by amanda99737 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice, very nice! I think though that your rhyming could use some work though, generally it is supposed to follow a semi-consistant pattern and yours...just doesn't seem to be there... and if you are going to use near rhymes...I wouldn't use them more than once per stanza. But overall, very nice!
    | Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by Plegias | [ Reply to This ]

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