Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: NixLacus
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 5/11/24
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 471
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    When life gives you lemons
    You make lemonade
    When life gives you apples
    You make apple juice
    When life gives you love
    You make memories
    When life gives you life
    You make smiles
    When life gives you death
    You make experience
    Through all the things life gives you
    You make yourself stronger
    You make yourself better
    You live your life more
    When life throws bad at you
    Live with it and deal with it
    Eventually life will throw something good




    Submitted on 2008-12-11 12:59:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the last bit is the only one i don't really enjoy
    "When life throws bad at you
    Live with it and deal with it
    in time karma will even the score"

    but still, it doesn't fit with the "you make" reptition either so i'm not sure. lots of potential, but the change from the pattern kind of threw me a little bit.

    you make yourself stronger, you make yourself better, kind of wordy, maybe say it in a more descriptive way

    you break and you reforge even stronger.. i'm not sure.

    good luck with this piece!
    | Posted on 2008-12-12 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168823

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry