[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: When Lifedots

    Author: NixLacus
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 5/11/24
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen Lifedots

    When life gives you lemons
    You make lemonade
    When life gives you apples
    You make apple juice
    When life gives you love
    You make memories
    When life gives you life
    You make smiles
    When life gives you death
    You make experience
    Through all the things life gives you
    You make yourself stronger
    You make yourself better
    You live your life more
    When life throws bad at you
    Live with it and deal with it
    Eventually life will throw something good

    Submitted on 2008-12-11 12:59:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the last bit is the only one i don't really enjoy
    "When life throws bad at you
    Live with it and deal with it
    in time karma will even the score"

    but still, it doesn't fit with the "you make" reptition either so i'm not sure. lots of potential, but the change from the pattern kind of threw me a little bit.

    you make yourself stronger, you make yourself better, kind of wordy, maybe say it in a more descriptive way

    you break and you reforge even stronger.. i'm not sure.

    good luck with this piece!
    | Posted on 2008-12-12 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]