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    dots Submission Name: Listendots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 597
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 841

       This is about what you feel when there is simply nothing more to feel for as you play at your part in this world.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    My heart is heavy
    As this weary world settles it weight
    Upon me, I breathe
    The burning cigarette between my yellow fingers
    Supplies but little heat to my hands
    The crisp air is stinging inside me
    My mind collasping into nothing
    Unfathomed feeling of sorrow, and regret
    Comes climbing its way up my chest
    Caught, in a portal of emptiness
    My teeth
    Grit teeth
    My eyes
    Squeezed shut
    As the child, unmoving inside me
    Asleep in a world seen so blindly
    I have cried
    And cry I shall
    As I am found
    At the foot of a bed
    Curled in a ball
    Wagging tail for the master
    Not in the bed
    A distant shadow
    As it lays down in my head
    Listen to me whimper
    To me cry.

    Submitted on 2008-12-13 16:20:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Your comments in the description are very off-putting. One wonders whether they should risk commenting, or even spend the time reading the piece. If they have a suggestion, is it going to be received well? It certainly doesn't sound as if it will.

    Everyone can benefit from constructive critique, but if you're just going to dismiss the comments, or worse, react badly to them, why should anyone bother?

    | Posted on 2008-12-22 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    January 10 07
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