Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Her Dreams Were Silent Films


Author: doppelganger
ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34 /223 /160
Words: 123
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1045
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 1022



Description:


I dunno. I just got this beautiful mental image and went with it.


Her Dreams Were Silent Films



Dusk
on a sunsetting shag
Between aluminum walls
Where a vinyl heart shattered

the mokingbird sings
                Detached
From a reality once carved
Into the chests of the
Gutter gods
Once speckled with stardust
      And stamps
           And syringes

Scream loud, O bloated one
Painted ice by Dreaming
Hold hands with the shag
                     if not with redemption

It's not like your glazed eyes
Ever believed in anything

                     Anyway.




Submitted on 2008-12-14 14:56:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  the first stanza, "dusk" gave ME a mental image and it really was like silence flickering these contrasting images at me...a silent room, the sun setting and it's almost like an eclipse between night and day for me. aluminum walls could be like an inner fortress erected for some kind of protection and once the light is gone, the guards come down? anyways, yes, loved the first stanza. the whole thing is very dreamlike, it has this tone of forgiveness? "Hold hands with the shag if not with redemption." Or maybe resignation? Hmmm, makes one think though!
| Posted on 2008-12-14 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



168922