Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Her Dreams Were Silent Filmsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: doppelganger
    ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34/223/160
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1022



    Description:
       I dunno. I just got this beautiful mental image and went with it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHer Dreams Were Silent Filmsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dusk
    on a sunsetting shag
    Between aluminum walls
    Where a vinyl heart shattered

    the mokingbird sings
                    Detached
    From a reality once carved
    Into the chests of the
    Gutter gods
    Once speckled with stardust
          And stamps
               And syringes

    Scream loud, O bloated one
    Painted ice by Dreaming
    Hold hands with the shag
                         if not with redemption

    It's not like your glazed eyes
    Ever believed in anything

                         Anyway.




    Submitted on 2008-12-14 14:56:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the first stanza, "dusk" gave ME a mental image and it really was like silence flickering these contrasting images at me...a silent room, the sun setting and it's almost like an eclipse between night and day for me. aluminum walls could be like an inner fortress erected for some kind of protection and once the light is gone, the guards come down? anyways, yes, loved the first stanza. the whole thing is very dreamlike, it has this tone of forgiveness? "Hold hands with the shag if not with redemption." Or maybe resignation? Hmmm, makes one think though!
    | Posted on 2008-12-14 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    168922

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry