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Sick and tired of all your bullshit
Not sure how to deal with it
All this anger built up inside
No longer time to hide
Why are you still talking to me?
Can't you tell that I can see?
See straight past and through your lies
Looking at your face makes me cry
Seeing you work at the Pig everyday
Makes me think of a thousand things to say
Memories of us in the backroom
(I so want to hit you right now with a broom)
God, why was I so dumb?
My mind obviously was numb
To think you could actually love me
Getting this off my chest gives me a little dignity
Why did you treat me so horribly?
What did I ever do so terribly?
I treated you like a king
I didn't get not one damn thing
I'm over this thing now
Sadly you're not, and you need to learn how.
| "No longer time to hide" the word longer just sounds a bit funny to me when read aloud in the flow, maybe change it to "more" ? |
It made me feel like a crushed 16 year old, brought me back to a very painful place, because I had a "relationship" with a girl who told me after 4-5 months that she never cared about me.
The backroom/broom line takes away from the piece in my opinion, maybe putting some spacing in would help the reader pick up on your flow or when to pause while reading (if at all)
I see the progression from "not sure how to deal with it" to "im over this thing now" and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Yet, I feel like it makes the earlier line about you crying when you see his face a little hypocritical, it takes away from the power of that exchange of roles in failing to deal with the situation.
Then again, I might just be reading too much into it, and you weren't actually over it until you wrote that second to last line.
I enjoyed reading this, lots of promise here!
|| Posted on 2008-12-15 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ] |