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    dots Submission Name: Recipedots

    Author: PrincessDoom13
    ASL Info:    19/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 81/81/40
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 332


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    Abandonment is simple
    Full part heart
    Iced in potential.
    Place in oven at heat
    Of extenuating circumstances.
    Remove and let cool
    In the love of others
    (add optional kindness here).
    Rot away when forgotten.
    Scrape into garbage.
    Reuse with hope.

    Submitted on 2008-12-15 20:35:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, but maybe you could embellish on the recipe aspect of it and say preheat the oven to extenuating circumstances, or that you may need to let the heart thaw out before use.

    maybe since it's a recipe for abandonment you shouldn't even scrape it into the garbage? that takes some deliberate effort, if i'm going to abandon something i'm going to use it and throw it away, and probably not going to take the effort to put it in the trash. so maybe discard/dispose of/litter i don't know, the word garbage is important and creates a strong image there, so i wouldn't get rid of it.

    Definitely makes me feel a little down, even with the re-use with hope part. It reminds me of a split within my own family, my mother's side basically disowned us after her father died. i was like 7-8 and i didn't understand why i never saw any of them any more.

    this same grandmother and two aunts live in my small town of approx. 7500 people so i pass them sometimes on the street, and i've written some things about my feelings toward my grandmother in particular, but I am really being pulled back there emotionally by this piece.

    Maybe if you don't want to end on a down-note you can add (and a dash of caution) or something .

    So I think maybe if you kind of steal terms from a cookbook or a real recipe it might make it even stronger.

    It feels pretty original to me, I've never seen a poem with this approach before. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2008-12-15 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]

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