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If it was Only Bubonic

Author: doppelganger
ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34 /223 /160
Words: 159
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1099
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 900


Just lost my job. Here's my take on the lighthearted childrens' rhyme.

If it was Only Bubonic

"You're done."
The words jumped ship
      off his lips
And drowned in my cerebral fluids
A soft clip clop, reeking of uncertainty
Echoed from the fornication
      my soles on the dirty floor
My cheeks gained a layer of blush
Though I walked out makeup-less
      But there were the roses
Valentines day is a month away
With no money for chocolates
Mr. Frosts brother gave me bitter hugs
Underneath a new moon
     Ashes hit the pavement
Cancer and I? We're dating.
My house of cards?
                It all fell down.

Submitted on 2008-12-16 09:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Sorry about your job.

This is both Interesting and odd at the same time. I like some of you imagery I particularly enjoyed the beginning and the end of the piece. There's some bizarre quality to it that makes in a way strangely appealing. One of the reasons I relished the poem was because it's not commonplace, I mean although the situation you depict is indeed ordinary you were capable of portraying something deeper. I guess your wording happens to be one of the strong points here. I was puzzled though with the fornication part. I couldn't figure out whether that was literal or not. I'll leave it to my imagination.

Nice write.

Keep posting,


| Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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