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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If it was Only Bubonicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: doppelganger
    ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34/223/160
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900



    Description:
       Just lost my job. Here's my take on the lighthearted childrens' rhyme.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf it was Only Bubonicdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "You're done."
    The words jumped ship
          off his lips
    And drowned in my cerebral fluids
    A soft clip clop, reeking of uncertainty
    Echoed from the fornication
          my soles on the dirty floor
    My cheeks gained a layer of blush
    Though I walked out makeup-less
          But there were the roses
    Valentines day is a month away
    With no money for chocolates
    Mr. Frosts brother gave me bitter hugs
    Underneath a new moon
         Ashes hit the pavement
    Cancer and I? We're dating.
    My house of cards?
                    It all fell down.




    Submitted on 2008-12-16 09:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Sorry about your job.

    This is both Interesting and odd at the same time. I like some of you imagery I particularly enjoyed the beginning and the end of the piece. There's some bizarre quality to it that makes in a way strangely appealing. One of the reasons I relished the poem was because it's not commonplace, I mean although the situation you depict is indeed ordinary you were capable of portraying something deeper. I guess your wording happens to be one of the strong points here. I was puzzled though with the fornication part. I couldn't figure out whether that was literal or not. I'll leave it to my imagination.

    Nice write.

    Keep posting,

    Ethan

    | Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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