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    dots Submission Name: If it was Only Bubonicdots

    Author: doppelganger
    ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34/223/160
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 555
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900

       Just lost my job. Here's my take on the lighthearted childrens' rhyme.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf it was Only Bubonicdots

    "You're done."
    The words jumped ship
          off his lips
    And drowned in my cerebral fluids
    A soft clip clop, reeking of uncertainty
    Echoed from the fornication
          my soles on the dirty floor
    My cheeks gained a layer of blush
    Though I walked out makeup-less
          But there were the roses
    Valentines day is a month away
    With no money for chocolates
    Mr. Frosts brother gave me bitter hugs
    Underneath a new moon
         Ashes hit the pavement
    Cancer and I? We're dating.
    My house of cards?
                    It all fell down.

    Submitted on 2008-12-16 09:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sorry about your job.

    This is both Interesting and odd at the same time. I like some of you imagery I particularly enjoyed the beginning and the end of the piece. There's some bizarre quality to it that makes in a way strangely appealing. One of the reasons I relished the poem was because it's not commonplace, I mean although the situation you depict is indeed ordinary you were capable of portraying something deeper. I guess your wording happens to be one of the strong points here. I was puzzled though with the fornication part. I couldn't figure out whether that was literal or not. I'll leave it to my imagination.

    Nice write.

    Keep posting,


    | Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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