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    dots Submission Name: Summer Breezesdots

    Author: TwilightAngel
    ASL Info:    23/M/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 20/36/20
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 539

       Taken from experience, summer is the greatest time of year, the fair being one of the best parts. Make memories that will last a lifetime, you wont regret it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer Breezesdots

    A caress of wind, a drop of rain
    Sparkling sunshine and dull gray clouds
    Summer is here and the birds sing out
    Let winter fears pass like mist in the morn

    Under trees and over fields
    Through rivers and around hills
    Winds rush and tumble like children at play
    On silver smiles does the gold light lay

    Sunlight dances through her hair
    Rain dapples lightly across her skin
    Sights and sounds all around them
    The fair is here, and life is easy

    Submitted on 2008-12-17 05:14:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hm. While I find this piece intriguing... it sounds off to me. Most of the lines are well put together and in equal measure; the middle section just doesn't seem to fit in as nicely as I know it should.

    'Under trees and over fields
    Through rivers and around hills
    Winds rush and tumble like children at play
    On silver smiles and ruby lips does
    The gold light lay'

    Maybe you could cut out the comment about the 'ruby lips' and move the comment about the 'gold light' up? I'm really not quite sure how to help you to improve it.
    Your stuff is generally difficult all the way around for me to critique/comment.

    I do have to Agree with this C.C.'s comment. It is good, but it could be great. Keep up the work, happy writings.
    | Posted on 2008-12-19 00:00:00 | by night_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is,
    a trite poem,
    and while the imagery was good,
    it was kind of bland.

    quite frankly, I think it could be improved.

    don't get me wrong, it's a good poem,
    but it could be great.

    | Posted on 2008-12-17 00:00:00 | by CourtneyLynne | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent! Nice use of imagery. Really liked every line of this one. What more can I say?
    | Posted on 2008-12-17 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]

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