Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: missed connectionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Myopic
    Elite Ratio:    2.31 - 31/58/63
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1043
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       inspired by craigsdeathlist


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmissed connectionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Missed connections follow after tension
    of the heart's poor, anxious list of things to do
    and the battle-tired brain's electricity
    bill.
    warring against the outside --
    those childhood years.
    Dark circles
    in the eye's round corner,
    windowing to wonderful space,
    now bigger --
    infinite. bored.
    The summer's gone with your dragonfly, your
    sad eyes chasing the ground until they
    close to see that serene,
    glowing mother angel
    scratched into the bathroom wall:

    Ugly is not -true- (walk free)

    viciousness is a lie, always.

    you close your eyes;
    black. space.
    space not between planets,
    but between
    people.




    Submitted on 2008-12-17 06:56:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this piece is seemingly disconnected at first glance, first read. it seems haphazardly penned but i know that it's not, that it's actually very considered, very thoughtful, and overall, very original in phrasing and parsing and intent.

    i really like how you've set this up visually: your use of linebreaks/enjambment pulls this along perfectly. as for subject matter, i see and feel a lot of things: disaffection mostly, a tired resolve at things we must deal with over and over, mixed with passion and energy.

    that space between people that you mention in your closing lines is a quixotic and thoughtful statement. i definitely agree with this; there'll always be that void that cannot be bridged, no matter how close one is to the other. or maybe we are alike in that however warm and seemingly connected we seem to be to others, there'll always be that place where one will never touch. that place of solitude and reflection and endless joy and sorrow, yes.

    figured i should leave a reason why i faved this.
    i enjoyed the mood of this, the focused yet unfocused passion.
    | Posted on 2008-12-25 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    169045

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Genesis written by saartha
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry