[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Good Mourningdots

    Author: Ensult
    ASL Info:    19/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 115/114/31
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 964
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 730

        In all honesty, I'm till holding on to my girlfriend even after our break up. Mentally, I push her away so I can protect myself from being hurt. But in all honesty I will always want to be with her. This just reflects how I feel whenever I think about her.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Mourningdots

    I saw my grave being made
    i chose to avoid reality
    I chose to fight it
    Gradually I stepped in
    I went from horrible to terrible
    I inched myself in for 2 years and 2 months
    Feeling the dirt cover my body from head to toe
    The shards of dirt creeping between my eyelashes
    Her and I were no more
    My tears weren’t enough
    My white roses weren’t enough
    My poems weren’t enough
    My love wasn’t enough
    Embracing my funeral in defeat
    Allowing it to reach my heart
    We are no more
    Now I am alone
    Buried alone
    Dead alone
    Without her I am in not tragedy or sadness
    But in mourning of my own death

    Submitted on 2004-07-11 01:18:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the beginning, seems to talk more about the quote "Since the day ur born, u started to die." idk the whole watching you grave lines made that stand out for me, also like how the things you mention are things not everyone has, and that the things you do have are not god enough for that person. Kinda sounds to me like a family related poem... nice write
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      you've portrayed your feelings very well. I like your descriptions, especially the line 'The shards of dirt creeping between my eyelashes'. great line. only one little thing: put the 'not' in the secound to last line behind the 'I am' otherwise it's a bit awkward. good poem.
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      thank you...this is the best thing ive read today ...if i read one more bad poem i think im going to slit my wrist...lol...ok sorry im just exited to see such a well written piece ...i really only have a few suggestions just write out the numbers...put them in word form it just looks betterbut not a huge deal though...besides that i think its a very well written piece andyour words perfectly get across how you feel about your relationship and break up with this person...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]