Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Passingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 484



    Description:
       The passing of love as though it died.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPassingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I died out there;
    You died out there,
    under the moon,
    far away.

    The me that was;
    the you that was,
    faded away,
    that night.

    The morning came;
    the dark no more,
    hid my death,
    your death.

    I looked at you;
    You looked at me,
    as strangers
    passing by.

    And the birds above;
    and the wind around,
    sang their songs
    of our passing.




    Submitted on 2008-12-21 08:36:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the flow of the stanzas. I felt myself almost rushing through the first few lines and lingering on the last line of each stanza. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it works really well!
    | Posted on 2011-10-02 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Jessa, dark and beautiful.

    The only thing that I had trouble with was the 3rd stanza, it seemed backwards, the first two you speak of I & you first then the senario; in the 3rd you play it the other way. It may flow better if it was structured like the 1 & 2.

    ~KimbreRain
    | Posted on 2011-03-22 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      This was extremely different...dark, yet beautiful...sad, but not. But the simplicity that made it complicated is what really makes it a great read. Good job.
    | Posted on 2008-12-22 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    169214

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Love written by saartha
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Carry written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Shi written by ShyOne
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry