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    dots Submission Name: Passingdots

    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 484

       The passing of love as though it died.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I died out there;
    You died out there,
    under the moon,
    far away.

    The me that was;
    the you that was,
    faded away,
    that night.

    The morning came;
    the dark no more,
    hid my death,
    your death.

    I looked at you;
    You looked at me,
    as strangers
    passing by.

    And the birds above;
    and the wind around,
    sang their songs
    of our passing.

    Submitted on 2008-12-21 08:36:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the flow of the stanzas. I felt myself almost rushing through the first few lines and lingering on the last line of each stanza. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it works really well!
    | Posted on 2011-10-02 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Jessa, dark and beautiful.

    The only thing that I had trouble with was the 3rd stanza, it seemed backwards, the first two you speak of I & you first then the senario; in the 3rd you play it the other way. It may flow better if it was structured like the 1 & 2.

    | Posted on 2011-03-22 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      This was extremely different...dark, yet beautiful...sad, but not. But the simplicity that made it complicated is what really makes it a great read. Good job.
    | Posted on 2008-12-22 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]

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