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    dots Submission Name: Barnhouse Blues Reeldots

    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 207/276/228
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1556


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBarnhouse Blues Reeldots

    Someone I used to know way back when
    It was awhile back, too long ago to take offense
    she was something special there and then
    we sinned and spelled out the rest of our lives
    like naive spinners of brilliant spider-webs
    silhouettes against the dusty ceiling rafters
    erected and hanging firm against the worn walls
    higher than our dreams and bodies could carry us away
    swaying with the cold winter air through cracks
    between the mortar and the bricks
    that are only half of what they once were
    and the cold climate sinks so deep into everything
    inside our place
    our place
    and the distance is a testament to fools
    we so crookedly thought the winter months would break us
    so cautious, so lonely, double beds laid single
    but we paid our toll for the weeks we spent apart
    and somewhere
    someone wished it all away
    its okay, sometimes I loved her anyway
    laughing, we were laughing
    we were laughing, and Ill never forget the way you smiled
    one step at a time
    a game of cat and mouse, high divine
    with the spring, our web bares its first fruit
    sweet with tart like a juicy raspberry
    she caught me calling out for absolution
    and I was lost right then, in her
    the elements started hacking at our peace of mind
    one sinewy strand after another
    and since forever never is
    we were a seasonal affair
    then and there

    Submitted on 2008-12-21 22:16:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This made me cry a little bit,
    and I can't even figure out why.


    It's beautiful.
    I feel like this is an excellent archetype of your soul, bared out for someone to see...

    it's unfathomable...
    enigmatic almost.

    I can't...
    wrap my head around it.

    The seasonal theme and the reference to webs was interesting and definitely unusual, to say the least.
    I like it.

    love you.

    | Posted on 2008-12-23 00:00:00 | by CourtneyLynne | [ Reply to This ]
    I don't think I've seen a write like this before.

    You have found the blend of flourish with depth and simple memorable repetition.

    There are so many "one liners" I guess, here.
    They all stick out in my head.
    "sometimes I loved her anyway"
    "we sinned and spelled out the rest of our lives"
    "we were a seasonal affair"
    These are just some of the lines that will stay with me.

    And you encompassed them and moulded them into such feelings.

    I'm not too goos with compliments so I hope these will do.

    The only thing I am not loving about this work is the line
    "our web bares its first fruit"
    As it is it's great, somehow though the repetition of the web metaphor doesn't seem to hang right.
    Of course that's just my reading and I am a peculiar one so don't take it as an insult.
    I really love this, it's now going on my favourites list so I can show it to everybody I know
    | Posted on 2008-12-23 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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