Description: I wrote this a few months ago when I was reading a book. It was actually two books of poetry by Arthur Rimbaud a Frenchmen. The books it covered were "A season in Hell" and "Illuminations". This was my attempt to write something like he would have.
Should Always be Plural -------------------------------------------
Midnight stares gaze upon the dawn
Time whittled to nothingness
Wasted passions in my garden of discontent
O treacherous dreamings a of a single lover
“Lover”….Humph
The word should always be plural
What is a lover without someone to love
What is a lover without someone from whom to receive love
I’ll tell you what he is
I tell you
He is a hell unto himself
What truth! What is a lover without someone to love? - a Hell unto himself. - nice! I rather like this piece.
From night to dawn, time whittles to nothing but discontentment.
Except for the aforementioned typo, I have nothing to critique.
I thought this was pretty interesting and really loved the idea of the "lover" without their own lover. I just have a few comments.
Firstly, I feel like there isn't a proper introduction to why there is a single lover, it just kind of sprouts up. After finishing reading the poem I wondered how I got to that point.
"O treacherous dreamings of a of a single lover", I think you have a little typo there. It should be "of a single lover".
And the last line seems somewhat out of place. It doesnt quite fit with the rest of the piece. Maybe reword it? Or just rewrite the line?
I know this was just a brief poem thing, so you don't have to look too into my comments, just some questions to think about. :)
Submission Name: Should Always be Plural 
